The Advent of Dionysus / The Return of Odysseus / 11.04

The War Was Won

When it happened, my experience with the doves was the highlight of my life, and I seriously considered if anything was left to do. But it was only the war which was won—indeed it amounted to me establishing an outlook or objective in life—while the next ten years proved an equal challenge. And as The Odyssey concerns the ten years Odysseus wandered before returning home, it seems suitable that these next ten years correspond to something similar. And they do! "The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to rest his head."

Matthew 8:20

Hence I've chronicled my residences here—which were many—for they best express my wanderings before returning home, i.e., back to myself. There's also a similarity to the Gerarai and The Church, for which reason I've included my first two residences, in Sunnyvale and Los Altos. And, as they correspond to the number "12," they show The Church proceeding from the two. Similarly, I focus primarily on the first twelve residences (up until 1987), though I give some highlights from the others. Indeed by late 1991 (20 years since I left San Jose), I considered 40 places or states my residence: with the number 40 corresponding to The Church—or Judith.

And as I'm speaking of The Church, I've drawn a correlation to the Seven Churches of Asia (Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamos, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea), along with other "elements of Gerarai." I've also noticed a similarity to the theme of the Ten Commandments: where my first ten residences portray a "correspondent temptation." It seems I was there for that purpose, to overcome each temptation or, I was in danger of it coming me. This will be expanded on in the first ten descriptions.

Polyphemus

But before I begin, I'd like to bring up the goddess of wisdom, Athena, for through all of his trials, she was the intercessor on Odysseus' behalf. And as she stood for what was fair and just, it must speak of the qualities of her "favorite hero." Similarly, throughout my ordeals in the second half, this was the first and foremost thing on my mind—what was fair and just. When I realized this more recently, well after I began this chapter, I knew I had a close affinity to her. Hence when I bring up other people and "their flaws" (it also applies to elsewhere in the book), my intent is to portray a sense of balance and add some depth to what actually happened, not slander anyone. For which reason I portray my own personal flaws (more so in the first half), and show what I've done to resolve them. Indeed, there's an archetypal quality to all of this!

With this in mind, I'd like to relate an experience that happened after my experience with the doves, which tends to concur with what happened after Odysseus set sail for home. It concerns the second place he landed, the land of the Cyclopes, where he was held captive by the Cyclops Polyphemus. And as its story stands out the most in my mind, it seems an appropriate place to begin—and, it best correlates with my story. It was in the fall of 1981 (I believe?), that I read an ad in the Iconoclast Magazine, a publication of the FHU. It was someone looking for a roommate, while it spoke of fruit trees and plenty of room for a garden. (It was the first time I inquired about a roommate.) And when Odysseus landed, the island was described as fertile and well-wooded, which seems a similar description.

So I called the number and arranged to meet this person. He was a strapping young man, in his early twenties, and in many ways a giant compared to me; while Polyphemus was the giant son of Poseidon. And his name was such that I wondered why his parents chose it, for it drew unwarranted attention to himself (it was a title for European royalty), implying arrogance and "self-fame." Indeed this was the very thing that struck me: that he was full of himself and, "famous" in his own eyes. Hence I'm describing the "monster of pride," a gigantic creature, which sees through only "one eye" or dimension (its pride). Thus when looking up the name Polyphemus, I was surprised to find what it means—"the famous."

We met at his house, which is significant for it reminded me of a dungeon—"or cave." And, Polyphemus dwelt in a cave. This is when I began to feel leery. We then decided to go camping that weekend, for it was something we both enjoyed and it was a good way to get to know each other. Thus we spent two days in the woods, which is how long Polyphemus held Odysseus, and I was starting to feel trapped: he continued to draw attention to himself and began to exert his dominance. I was afraid that if it continued, he would take me for everything I had, i.e., "consume my substance," even as Polyphemus devoured six of Odysseus' crew. It felt like I was caught in a spider's lair (a tarantula?), and I knew I had to find a way out.

My Name is Nobody

When Polyphemus asked his name, Odysseus replied, " Oudeis, for short," which means "nobody." Hence it's significant that I went along submissively at first, feeling I didn't have the strength to counteract him. While in effect I was saying, "Don't mind me, I'm Nobody." Yet I needed to let him know it couldn't continue—and, it was critical that he acknowledge it. This was also Odysseus' predicament, who had to refrain, from vengeance, for only Polyphemus could move the huge stone at the cave's entrance. All of which brings up the movie, My Name is Nobody, released a few years earlier with Henry Fonda and Terence Hill. One of the funniest movies I'd ever seen, I identified with it so much, that I ascribed the name to myself. (It also portrays my relationship with Roy Masters.) And being alone in the world, yet with a vibrancy and quality few others possessed, this was who I portrayed: "Hey don't mind me, I'm here of little or no consequence!"

Now I'm actually speaking of what it's like at work, for this is where I primarily meet people. Thus it's funny that the day I wrote about this, I went to work (I was working the swing-shift) and asked two of the people there: "Who do you think I am? So and so?" The one who was speaking to me sounded like he was talking to someone else. And he said, "No Dennis, you're nobody!" And the other said, "Yeah that's right, you're the nowhere man!" (Apparently they'd just listened to the song, The Nowhere Man by The Beatles, on their tape player.) Now I'd already forgotten about it by that time and, it was the first time anybody really said this outright. How strange?

After Polyphemus fell asleep the second night, after Odysseus got him drunk, Odysseus fashioned a stake out of olive-wood and drove it into his eye. And Polyphemus gave out such a yell, that it startled all of his neighbors, who came clamoring over. But, when he said it was "Nobody's fault," they all departed. Come morning, when Polyphemus let his sheep out, Odysseus and his remaining crew were strapped under some rams, and were let out with the flock. And upon departing Odysseus shouted, "Should anybody ask who blinded you, tell them it was Odysseus of Ithaca!" After hurling boulders at the ship, Polyphemus prayed aloud to Poseidon, asking for vengeance. And Poseidon consented. Hence Odysseus offended Poseidon, who wouldn't allow his return home, which was wrought of misfortune, for ten years.

Just as Odysseus "backed-out" tied to the bottom of a sheep, I had also backed-out—sheepishly—which directly corresponds! We spent Saturday night in the woods, and on Sunday drove along the coast, looking at the sights. I hadn't yet divulged my intentions, "I couldn't afford to," and allowed him to think I was still going along. (Perhaps he got drunk on this?) When I got home Sunday afternoon I still felt trapped, and contrived to write him a letter: saying I went along as "nobody," which he took advantage of, yet here was my real outlook: i.e., "my true identity," therefore have a nice life. And I snuck over to his house late Sunday night, even as Odysseus snuck out of the cave, and attached it to his front door—"the door to my confinement."

Tall Timber Ranch

There's no doubt in my mind that I blinded him, "his pride," for it's what I intended to do; and I was telling him to just stay away. And indeed it all resurfaced a year later (August 1982?), when I visited Tall Timber Ranch in Southern Oregon (Roy Masters' ranch). And I was confronted by Alan Masters (Roy's son), and my inability to express myself, from whence he began to pick me to pieces—at first accusing me of being a womanizer, and then a psycho-path. He later deduced that I was full of doubt, and was concealing my emotions to cover up my weakness, which was closer to the truth. Indeed I was already aware of this, and was dealing with it, and it was really no one else's business: I intended no harm by it, and was only trying to protect myself, besides, most people weren't qualified—though they continued to claim they were—to be disclosing my problems.

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And he kept telling me how much I reminded him of someone else staying there. Lo and behold, when they finally determined what my problem was, in front of everybody else, and while escorting me off the property, there he was, the person I've been talking about—with a front row seat! When I came back two days later, having repented, "essentially," I spoke with Alan again, and we both conceded it was more of a misunderstanding. But, "our friend" was gone, and Alan and I began to speak of our differences—we both concurred with "his treachery." It later occurred to me why he would mimic me? If not out of deceit, then perhaps because I had a profound impact on him. Either way, he probably got to see what he wanted, vengeance taken out on me. (It consolidates this idea.) I also figured he left because he had been found out.

Poseidon

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As the god Poseidon signifies the "unconscious mind," it alludes to the nature of my malady. Having been born "prematurely," it was he who I had to reconcile myself, when falling back asleep. Hence as the Trojan War was more of a civil war, it suggests a more "personal conflict," which, was fought over the sea—"the depths of Poseidon." And as it was won by the Trojan Horse, a creature sacred to Poseidon, it suggests the reconciliation or alliance between the unconscious and the conscious. (It also seems significant that a horse was sacrificed prior to Helen's abduction, upon Odysseus' recommendation, and all of her suitors were made to swear by it.) Indeed this is the victory we achieve when we come to repentance, and it's the victory I achieved. Yet having established "my objective," I emerged from the sea and began to walk upright: the transition from the natural to the spiritual. In so doing, I put my conscious intent first, before my unconscious, suggesting I had a sense of direction now.

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Thus it speaks of my offense, for in our "waking state," we tend to overlook the unconscious. And as we set aside Poseidon, we forsake the critical alliance in our victory; we need to at least pay homage to this. This I believe explains my turmoil over the next ten years—and there were many monsters to subdue. It also explains Roy Masters' offense, who generates a lot of turbulence when stirring up these "monsters from the id." And he won't let them rest! It's funny that when I concluded writing about this (except the part about Roy Masters), I was wondering about the movie, The Poseidon Adventure. For I believe it was released the same year "my adventure" began, in 1971. And the very next day, October 4th, 1993, I heard the announcer say over the radio, "We have a real life Poseidon Adventure," and spoke of a huge thirty foot wave smacking into a ship overnight. How uncanny!

First Residence

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As I said, this was in Sunnyvale, California, and it corresponded to the first church, or Church of Adam (The Eden Roc Apartments), as well as to Daphne, who was of Apollo (the Apollo gas station there). And when referring to the Church of Ephesus, the book of

Revelation says (2:4-5): "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick from out of his place, except thou repent." Revelation

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In Swedenborg's account here, he says it signifies those who regard the "truths of doctrine," but not the "goods of life" (i.e., charity); and that the goods of life are to be regarded first, and to this extent one is then found in the truths of doctrine, but not the reverse. To me this implies what is "intellectual," of ascertaining "the truth," but without engaging one's heart in the process: i.e., faith separated from charity. Thus it's more a matter of speculation—"analytical thinking"—and, of entertaining oneself with one's intelligence: to take pride in oneself or be egotistical. It was also the reason for Adam's fall, after eating from the tree of knowledge.

Genesis 2:16-17

3:1-12 Hence it's interesting that only Ephesus speaks of the fall. Swedenborg also says the goods of life were inherent at the beginning of this church, "before the fall," as it is in the beginning of every church. Consequently, it was something I seemed to be in danger of losing, just before I moved.

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With respect to the first commandment, "Thou shalt have no gods before me," it was predominant for I had made "a god" of most everyone: being "all things to all people" and groveling at their feet, while despising everyone greatly, myself even more. This was before the advent of Roy Masters, and when he arrived it was the first and foremost thing I had to learn—to stop getting people to feel sorry for me. By the time I moved I had overcome this, and no longer behaved this way towards people. I lived in Sunnyvale for 32 months (from 10/74 to 6/77).

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There was also a program on local PBS Radio, called New Dimensions, that I listened to a lot before Roy, that showcased various religious leaders and philosophies, mostly eastern. And to these leaders, who came across as "comforting and sympathetic," a lot of feel good philosophy, which was soothing for the tortured soul I was, they seemed to elevate to godhood. They were angels from heaven, "or gods," having descended to evangelize themselves. While at the time I came up with the notion of becoming a god in my own right—the very temptation in the Garden of Eden! But as my real problem wasn't addressed, it was only a glossing over or palliating of the symptoms. It was only shortterm relief. And yet as I say in chapter 13, regarding Roy's views on transcendental meditation, the real answer lays somewhere between the two.

Second Residence

107	Like I said this was in Los Altos, and it corresponded to the Church of Smyrna, and, to the black walnut tree. I'll speak a little further now of Noah, and the second church, in conjunction with the second commandment, "Thou shalt not make any graven images ... and bow down and worship them."

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Now when Noah's father, Lamech, names Noah he says: "This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands ... because of the ground which the Lord hath cursed."

Genesis 5:28-29 As we know it was Noah who built the ark, a very extensive labor, built with his own hands (in reference to his father naming him). Hence it seems Noah corresponds to what we create with our hands, or "our work." And, when it's "merged" with the second commandment, you come up with something that in effect says: "Don't glorify yourself in your work"—or, "take excessive pride in it." (We're only human beings, not gods.)

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This seemed to coincide with living in Los Altos, for it's here that I began to make things with my hands: taking up woodworking for the first time, and making a lot of furniture, the majority of it for my mother—and, Noah built a wooden ark. It was something I taught myself (similar to Noah?) and had done almost exclusively here. But since moving, I haven't had the time or inclination to start and finish any more projects. It's been over fourteen years! So it seems fitting it should end here. I also remember taking a certain amount of satisfaction in my work, and I suppose I was in danger of glorifying myself in it (the second temptation). More so here than elsewhere! As I already said, I lived in Los Altos for 58 months (from 6/77 to 4/82).

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It's also interesting that the therapy Roy Masters prescribes (as I equate him with the Church of Smyrna) involves working with one's hands. While he's often compared his faith to Noah's, having likened himself to a "modern day Noah"—more than once! He's also a solitary figure, standing alone and above the rest which, could be said of Noah. And Roy has often spoken of sailing away to the south-seas in his state-of-the-art boat! And how often have I felt alone and set apart from the world, with no one to confide in. I too have led a solitary life, separate, because of my beliefs.

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I also began to reconcile things with my mother at this time, and develop a closer relationship with her: it seemed to take root here and was most exemplified by the furniture I made. Which seems fitting for we're speaking of the "second church," as corresponds to a man's will or "his mother." It was also something Roy Masters stressed a great deal (more than most things), of a mother's influence over her son and how he should "normalize" his relationship with her.