Third Residence

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The Odyssey itself, which began after the Trojan War, involved Odysseus' struggle to get home. And so began in his "11th year," which, was about the time I encountered Polyphemus: my 11th year since leaving San Jose. And soon afterwards, within a year (April 1982), I moved. Hence it seems fitting that the two should coincide, and so to the progression of The Church.

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Before moving, I considered finding a roommate (since before Polyphemus). I felt I had grown up enough and was living by myself too long. It was time to develop my "living skills" with other people. After running an ad in The Iconoclast, I found two roommates, someone a little older than me (he was 35 a3nd I was 26) and his girlfriend (who was 21). And the three of us went looking for a house. When we all found something we liked—in Sunnyvale—we moved in.

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Thus I had moved back to Sunnyvale—which, portrays "the triangle" completing itself (at its apex). While Los Altos, which means "the heights," portrays the second or "elevated aspect" of the star (or hexagram). And, as sunshine is compared to the color yellow, or gold, it's appropriate that my third residence be in "Sunnyvale": i.e., yellow is the third color of the Menorah and corresponds to the "highest point" of the star; which thus becomes the "color of ascent" (sunshine itself). Also, having portrayed Silicon Valley as the "light to the world," due to all the electronics development, it's funny that Sunnyvale is right in the heart of Silicon Valley, with more development going on here than elsewhere!

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Thus in the relationship between Artemis and Apollo, as portrayed in Cindy (3), both correspond to the sun (and to the numbers one and three). Which also applies to Gemini—The Twins, the third sign of the Zodiac, and, to the number "31": be it "3" or "31," both correspond to Cindy. Thus in my reference to Ephesus, "I will remove thy candlestick," it seems easily accomplished by omitting the "1" in "31," and generating the number "3" (as both are the same). Hence the color yellow (3)—as opposed to red (1)—is more closely linked with the sun. And what is substantial supersedes what is analytical (which about sums up my development at this time).

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While in his account of the Church of Pergamos, Swedenborg says it signifies the celestial kingdom, or priesthood. Revelation 2:12-17 Which is also what Levi, the "third son" of Israel, signified—"the priesthood." And, while we didn't get along well initially, as I explain below, my roommate seemed to settle down and I sensed he represented something similar (after I moved). Swedenborg also refers to the three levels of spirituality in his work: the natural, spiritual and celestial. And he speaks of the two "heavenly kingdoms," the spiritual and celestial, which rule over or "cancel out" the natural. It suggests something similar to the above, removing the candlestick from Ephesus. Also, as the celestial corresponds to the "heavenly marriage," I'm reminded of my roommates, who may have worked things out. (Hence the correspondence to Gemini.)

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As for the third commandment, "Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain," this is what my roommate signified. And while it's typically thought that this means to swear by God, it applies, but only superficially. What it really means is not to be hypocritical, even more so a religious hypocrite—which is usually worse. And throughout Matthew 23 Jesus rebukes the scribes and Pharisees, and in verse 25 says: "Woe unto you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess." Which is nearly the same as the religious fanatic, who justifies everything by the "blood of Christ." (You don't have to be a Christian.) And these people can get you so angry that you curse in God's name (at them). Guess what? you've committed the ultimate blasphemy. And if you can't deal with it, you rebel and go to the "opposite extreme" or, wind-up repressing it. And so the seeds of hypocrisy have been implanted. "...and you become like what you hate."

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There's no doubt my roommate's father, who was a lawyer? laid a similar trip on him. And once bound in the straightjacket of hypocrisy, with few avenues of expression, you tend to take it out on others. This is what my roommate brought to the situation. And while I didn't detect it at first, it became apparent when we were looking for a house, more so when we moved in. It was most apparent with his girlfriend, with their petty bickering and arguing. And though it was a "platonic relationship," he was possessive and accustomed to getting his own way. He was very insecure. But, as he was still relatively new to Roy Masters, he hadn't evolved beyond being selfish and judgmental. And, as she was less familiar with Roy Masters, he was her only example.

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It all but changed when we met, for I wasn't strict or possessive like this—"or threatened." And all in the name of religion! I understood it was calmer before we met but, there was no one to challenge him. So he got very jealous, and she became more unruly and started to rebel. I tried to overlook it initially, hoping they'd settle down, but it only continued and I finally got upset a couple of months later. This is when I wrote a dirty letter, full of four letter words and hung it on their door. Guess what? I became the bad guy! and was nearly overcome by the temptation!

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Our relations were strained at best, so I decided we couldn't live in the same house and started "camping out" on the deck. This went on for another month? until we finally decided it would be best if we tried to get along (after my trip to Tall Timber Ranch). I moved back in and stayed another two months, but things didn't change much and I finally decided to leave: after they threw a party and invited all their friends without consulting me. I lived here for six months altogether, from April to September. Which happens to be the 4th and 9th months, as corresponds to the number "49," and to the name "Dennis."

  Fourth Residence

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About the time I gave my roommates notice, my friend at work, who owned a house in San Jose, was getting ready to evict his roommates. He'd been talking about it for some time before finally giving them notice. Soon afterwards, I suggested we become roommates, and he thought it was a good idea. He was an Arab from Syria, and though somewhat stubborn, being from that part of the world and having only recently become a U.S. citizen? he seemed moderate enough and I thought we could get along. So I moved in after his roommates left.

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As the fourth church was the Christian Church, and corresponds to Mary, it seems significant that his girlfriend's name was Mary and, that she spent most of her time there. He didn't bother to say anything before, and it seemed odd, for I didn't understand why she was there. (He later said they were previously married.) This brings up the Church of Thyatira, what Swedenborg says signifies "faith conjoined with charity," as well as its opposite—"their separation." To the latter I would ascribe my friend. A devout Muslim, he indeed went through the motions of charity, but it all reflected himself, getting a swollen head about the whole thing. His girlfriend was better imbued with these qualities. He was also hung-up with being my elder, by eight years, and suggested I was disrespectful for not accepting his word "blindly"—a poor excuse for arrogance. Such was the custom of the old-country!

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This was exhibited early on, after I sold my oak dining room set. I sold it because I was disenchanted with my previous roommates (we were using it in the dining room) and I didn't think there'd be room for storage. He already knew I had it, but I didn't say anything because he just bought one (though it wasn't as nice). Besides, I found someone who really needed it, and they were grateful to receive it. Upon hearing this he was aggrieved (he apparently already had eyes on it), and behaved like I really deprived him of something. And he berated me, and continued to do so for the next month, which only shows he was thinking of himself. It was one of many things which were to follow.

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As for the fourth commandment, "Remember the Sabbath," it's funny how I spent most of my weekends in my room (more so on Saturdays). Indeed I felt like a captive, with the difficulty I had motivating myself. It wasn't the first time this occurred: with few "outside interests" and the stress of work not prompting me to do something. But feeling out of place, it became heightened, and I resigned myself exclusively to my room, which was a first (and I did very little). On the other hand, my friend spent the whole weekend selling at the flea-market. The real temptation here was that I didn't feel I had the privacy—"of mind"—which is a prerequisite to worship.

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Thus it's interesting how "the Jews," the descendants of Judah and "4th son" of Israel, correspond to the Sabbath: with the Sabbath being more central to Judaism than any other religion. And though he wouldn't admit it openly, my roommate was prejudiced. Indeed some of it was probably warranted, but he rarely passed up the opportunity to criticize the Jews. And he went on and on ... You should have seen his reaction when I suggested the United States was Israel! Thus before I moved I wasn't prejudiced but, a certain amount rubbed off, and I now have to be more careful and balanced in my views. As I said in chapter 2, the Jewish Church was the beginning of the fourth or Christian Church, and that it corresponded to their captivity. It was the same as my predicament, and like the Jews, I felt persecuted.

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Everything came to head at work one day, when he was explaining something he knew to somebody. He was speaking from his "own bias" and wasn't making much sense, and when he said something erroneous and I tried to correct him. But he ignored me, so I tried again. (He was an engineer and I was a technician.) He then brusked me aside, like a small child, while in front of the other person I called him a vulgar name and walked into the back-room. Well this was the ultimate insult coming from a subordinate, and he came storming in after me. We began to threaten each other and soon began to fight. It wasn't an all out brawl, but more a wrestling match, and soon ended with him pinning me to the floor—demonstrating his superiority.

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I was dismayed about this and didn't go home for two nights. But when I did I was resigned to leave, and decided to buy a travel trailer: I was considering moving to Oregon since living in Los Altos, and a travel trailer seemed the best way to accomplish that. I then comprised a list of things to sell, of most everything of value that wouldn't fit into a trailer. It was all nearly new, or like new, and listed for about half of what I paid. I then took the list and handed it out at work, and was pleasantly surprised when most of it sold. I then had enough for a down-payment! I lived with my roommate for four months altogether (from 10/82 to 2/83).

  Fifth Residence

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So I bought a travel trailer, a relatively new one and in good condition. And with a little difficulty I found a place to park (spaces were hard to find), a trailer park in Palo Alto—which was right off the Oregon Expressway! I soon moved in and thought surely I was on my way. While it felt nice to own instead of pay rent, and I felt more inclined to take care of it. So I began to renovate: rebuilding the bed, putting up wallpaper and building shelves.

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At the time it seemed like a good idea, and it was essential that I move here, but my hopes were soon dashed. For it was a depressing place! Being a trailer park, it was a place of last resort for the majority there: they were of low income and had lived there awhile, and couldn't afford to go elsewhere. It seems they had lost all hope and resigned themselves to their lot. On the other hand, I had just moved in and was on my way to a better place (Oregon).

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There wasn't much room between trailers, perhaps ten feet, and it was very cramped. I had a particular problem with the neighbor next door; which leads to why the previous tenant left? Initially I thought he was an ex-con (actually the people on both sides), but he may have been a Vietnam vet. He and one or two friends were staying there, and with rare exception they stayed up late, often past 4:00 in the morning: getting loud and drunk and finally falling asleep. The one friend had a motorcycle, and he kept leaning it against my trailer in the middle of the night, shaking the trailer and waking me up. While they frequently had barbecues, which they set about two feet away from my trailer: as smoke billowed in through the vents and windows, and soot caked up on the outside.

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Within a week or two I started complaining to the manager, and continued to do so until he made them move, a few months later (to another part of the park). The situation was getting tense but, I had to get up and go to work in the morning, and I wasn't getting much sleep! I guess they figured they could do whatever they wanted, and I was the one who was spoiling it.

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With respect to the Church of Sardis, Swedenborg says it concerns those who are in dead worship, which are those who "go through the motions" (of worship), and appear to be pious, but without "true understanding" and hence, "no life." (It suggests something superficial.) To me it's speaking of the understanding, and brings up the fifth commandment, "Honor thy father and thy mother," which I believe is least understood. Indeed it says we should respect and obey our parents, but what if they were cruel or thoughtless? or dysfunctional? How can you obey someone who's trying to lay a trip on you? When they present you with one of two choices: rebellion or conformity. Either way you wind up despising them, and you become just like them or, go to the "opposite extreme."

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All of which brings up Roy Masters, The Fifth Earl, and the very essence of what he teaches. For he speaks of forgiving our parents, and how to grow beyond their "crippling effects." And, because they were once children, they probably had to cope with something very similar. Thus by breaking the cycle, we keep from perpetuating the same thing on our children. This is where true understanding lies. Yet if we don't grow beyond our parents, we're apt to find ourselves in "the gutter"—or, in prison—which is similar to the state of the people living here. This was the temptation I was presented with.

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I'd now like to bring up the problem I was experiencing before moving here, since I began listening to Roy Masters. It's about evil spirits—or demons—an idea that becomes tangible as you continue to read. And by determining they exist which, is Roy's emphasis on "the negative," it confirms God's existence: their malevolence standing in direct contrast to Him. Hey if He exists, then there must be a Devil! It's very plausible, and true. Hence it brings up Matthew 12:43-45, which speaks of the unclean spirit that departs, and wanders through dry places, only to return and bring seven spirits more wicked; and the last state of the man is much worse. (Swedenborg describes it as most profane.)

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And though this wasn't a problem when by myself (it was initially), I was all too aware of the implications: it became a problem when I got upset during the day, usually at work, and especially at night, when the neighbors disturbed my sleep. Indeed I was overpowered at times—even possessed—perhaps as many as seven? but without the above effect. (It usually occurred in my sleep, while in my dreams.) And while it turned my world upside-down, I'd recover enough and go beyond it in a few weeks; nor was I dealing with more than one spirit at a time. I was still very concerned though, and as I describe in chapter 13, I didn't have the necessary tools, i.e., "doctrine," to deal with it. While at one point in Los Altos, I suspected I might be overcome by a whole myriad of spirits before finding out how. What a premonition!

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These possessions occurred during the seven-and-a-half years at my first two residences. And may have occurred at the third and fourth residences if I stayed longer. The spirits were still there. But after I moved to the trailer park, the stage was set—with all its disturbances—and it seemed imminent. It was a couple of months later that it happened (shortly after Easter): I fell asleep one night with the covers pulled back, which, didn't help either. I don't recall If I was angry before going to bed, but I had a dream about "the Devil," tempting me. And I began to shout, "Where is he! Where's the Devil!" while bodies of "his henchmen" flew everywhere. (I had confrontations like this before, but none so decisive.) Indeed none could withstand me, until I met up with their boss. He appeared like a large clay pot, similar to the strawberry pot I planted out back, the whole of it a face with a deep scowl. It reminded me of a mafia boss or something, and I picked up a rock to throw at him. It seems all I needed was to smash this pot and I would have conquered the Devil—for good!

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My attempts were feeble at best. He seemed to have "a will" over everything, as if the whole disturbance originated from him. I could hardly lift my arm, let alone throw the rock. And when I did, I faltered. He then turned into a "flying insect" and he flew straight at me, directly into my left ear. I woke-up immediately, dumbfounded, my jaw agape. And while I managed to "stave off" the other spirits, in Sunnyvale and Los Altos, this one was different, maybe "seven times worse." And so sets the stage for what happened at my seventh residence. Nonetheless I managed to cope, though things weren't quite the same; it affected my equilibrium (which is what the ear signifies). It also helped expedite my leaving; and, because of an impasse at work, i.e., "company politics," I decided to pack up and move to Oregon. I lived here for eight months altogether (from 2/83 to 10/83).

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I think because I initially had the upper-hand and took the offensive here, that it lessened the impact. It didn't change the malevolence of this spirit: its severity depends more on the severity of "the trauma" inflicted. It still affected my balance, and because of its sophistication, it was difficult to shake. It became more of an "uneasy alliance." Which is significant for the "fifth aspect" of the cross signifies a state of balance, as well as the understanding. Also, as "Palo Alto" means "tall stick" or, "the height of it," this is where the four aspects of the cross intersect: "at its height." It's also significant that prior to Easter I developed the symbol of a cross, portraying "ideological opposites" and sent it to Roy Masters. (See chapter 6.) It was very revelatory, and it wasn't until afterwards that Roy began to exorcise people with the cross. I suspect it may have influenced him here.

  Sixth Residence

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After giving notice at work, I began to prepare for the move to Oregon. On October 1st I pulled my trailer out of the park and headed for Santa Rosa, where I spent two weeks visiting with my mother. On the 15th I headed for Eureka, and spent the night visiting with my brother. From there I proceeded to Oregon, and found a campground in Selma to stay. I spent the first night and drove to Grants Pass the next day to find a trailer space. I drove through town, then up Rogue River Highway, and pulled into a mobile home/trailer park, about three miles east of town. After talking to the manager I decided to stay, and moved in the next day (October 18th).

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I spent the next month-and-a-half scouting the area, and started to get comfortable. But being new to the area I felt reluctant to do anything. There wasn't much work, and what there was involved working with the public, a sensitive issue with me. It involved "selling myself." I looked in the paper from time to time, and occasionally something came up in electronics. But by the end of November I was getting concerned. I only had so much money and considered moving back to Santa Rosa. I lucked-out in early December when I found a job at a small electronics firm in Grants Pass (the same company I speak of in chapter 12), and was fortunate they were able to utilize my skills. They had me building electronic prototypes, as well as electro-mechanical design and drafting, not unlike what I did in the Bay Area.

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Like I said in Vanessa, the Church of Philadelphia corresponds to one's free will, and is what one hopes or longs for. And it's essentially what my moving to Oregon represented, for I realized what I was hoping to do for the past few years. This is a good distinction to make, for unlike a lot of people, who moved here because Roy Masters was here, I did so of my own volition. It was one thing Roy continued to stress—not to become dependent on the FHU. Indeed, I had maintained my own existence and kept my distance. And though it was a determining factor, it was more incidental, for I'd already decided to move out of the city, nor did it have to be here. In fact, I initially conceived the idea of moving to Oregon when living in Los Altos, before I found out Roy Masters was relocating here.

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As for the sixth commandment, "Thou shalt not kill" or, "Don't commit murder," I had a relationship with a tenant in the park that would have applied. He was there when I first moved in and had been there a month-and-a-half. His name was John (hence the correlation to the number six, as related in Jennifer), and like me he listened to Roy Masters. A very likable person, and relatively innocent, he seemed to possess all those qualities I desired, "regarding Roy," which made me feel very inadequate. Yet it was more superficial or a "pseudo innocence." Naive best describes it. And he was very "glib." And when I spoke to him about anything of depth—"and Roy"—he had a way of glossing things over, and not grasping its significance.

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In many ways it was seductive. And having gone through so much pain and turmoil over the years, I had accomplished a great deal, only to have him come along and say it wasn't so—"effectively." Thus it's interesting how people can stir these things up in you, and make you feel like less of a person. This was the temptation, and indeed I despised him for this. But I was aware of it inside of me and acknowledged its significance if it went unchecked—murder. He later moved to Selma (while I moved into his space), which I've equated with the Church of Smyrna in the next chapter: "Behold, I will make them of the Synagogue of Satan [Smyrna]... to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee." Revelation 3:9

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Nonetheless I was glad to be here, for it was quite a contrast from living in the city. It was a very romantic and scenic area, the people were friendly (though a bit pretentious), and the job was going well—and, I seemed to be getting established. Indeed, it was the beginning of the engagement period. Hence it seems the most significant thing I could have done at the time was move here. It was also about the time "my article" appeared in The Iconoclast (in April 1984). I wrote it before moving (after Easter 1983), and it was about Roy Masters' viewpoint and the impact it had on my life. It was titled: To Live or Not to Live.

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It's also significant that the town was named after Ulysses S. Grant, the Civil War hero and president of the United States. For Ulysses is another name for Odysseus! Here we are again! And, while both men were leaders of a war, the Trojan War itself was a "civil war," in effect. So it seems I had come home to where I belonged. Which was especially heightened during the spring. I lived here for six-and-a-half months altogether (from 10/83 to 5/84).