Seventh Residence

A Mobile Home

149  It was towards the end of April that I decided to buy a mobile home. I was feeling secure at work and began to experience a deep sense of belonging—i.e., love. So I asked a friend at work, who in turn referred me to a friend who was a dealer. I didn't waste any time and bought the first place I looked at, about a half-mile up Rogue River Highway. It was kind of spur of the moment, but I was already considering a home in the park I was at and, for $2,500 more this was much nicer. Besides, having lived in my trailer for over a year, it was a big contrast. Moving in only involved pulling my trailer over to the new park, where I parked it out back for a nominal fee. I moved in on May 1st.

150  But I was only there a month when I quit my job. I had been working a lot of overtime, often fourteen hour days, when they hired a new person, who I didn't get along with. The work area was also dirty and stank, wreaking of cigarette smoke—and smelled like dirty socks! But I was more agitated with the new person, who brought all his personal problems to work. He continually jabbered and whistled, or sang, not quietly, but to the point of filling the whole room to get everyone's attention. It was a big distraction! I spoke to my boss about it at least twice before telling him I wanted to quit. I took it back a few days later, but continued to have problems. A week or two later I gave him a month's notice, which he wouldn't accept, and he let me go that day. And so I was without a job—abruptly—and found myself paralyzed, and unable to do anything for at least three weeks.

151  Afterwards I went around the mobile home park asking people if I could sweep the pine needles off their roofs. They were mostly senior citizens there and, a lot of pine trees. They were glad to have me do this, and I swept half a dozen roofs in the next two weeks, and got paid. Soon afterwards I ran an ad in the paper, saying I did yard-work and odd jobs, and began working twenty to thirty hours a week. About three weeks later I ran ad in the free paper out of Medford [n12:20], and got a job with an elderly man in Rogue River [n12:18], working forty hours a week. He had just moved up from Los Angeles and was developing his property. I worked for a month or two but all we did was argue and bicker, like he did with most everyone, and I finally decided to leave [n156 below].

New Neighbors

152  When I first moved in, the mobile home next to me was also vacant, and around June 1st my neighbor moved in. An older woman, in her early fifties, she and I got along fine. Like me she was also out of work, and decided to do some nursing for the elderly and some house sitting. We became good neighbors, as I continued to do things to help out around the house: sweeping the roof, fixing the telephone, installing carpet in the bathroom, mowing and watering the lawn, etc.

153  She also knew I was out of work, and kept telling me to apply for unemployment, due to what happened when I quit. Initially I didn't want to, thinking I could make enough doing yard-work, nor did I think I was eligible. But there were periods when I was out of work and, because I was starting to feel happy here, I didn't want to jeopardize that. She kept saying it wouldn't hurt to apply, and when I finally did, I was surprised to find I was eligible, about two or three months after I quit. And so it became the extra insurance I needed to help me through the next year.

Meeting John

154  Shortly after my new neighbor moved in, I met up with John from my sixth residence [n142]. We met at the local Fred Meyer store in Medford which, in accord with the number 62 and bear theme [n9:32-35; n11:354], was located on Highway 62, about a half mile after crossing over Bear Creek and (under) Interstate 5. So there's a direct correlation to the number 62 at least. And, having equated Selma with the Church of Smyrna (2) in the next chapter [n12:10], it's uncanny how I equate Medford with the Church of Philadelphia (6) [n12:20]. And, after buying some building supplies, John was preparing to head back to his property in Selma, which clearly alludes to the number 62 as well!

155  While come to find out, Highway 62, also called Crater Lake Highway, begins about a half mile before crossing over Bear Creek, making Bear Creek central to the start of Highway 62 and, Fred Meyers. Highway 62 then heads north for 85 miles to Crater Lake, thus alluding to my imagined encounter with a bear at my fourteenth residence [n364], along Highway 62 and the upper Rogue River north of Shady Cove. Notwithstanding there's the relation to the Bear and the Garbage Can in chapter 9 [n17], which almost directly correlates with John's encounter with a bear digging in his garbage cans outside his trailer one night [n144]. In fact if I didn't know better, I would say my vision was predicated upon that and, it very well could have been. However, I didn't sense anything specific about it at the time.

156  After exchanging greetings, I told John I bought a mobile home up the highway from our previous residence and asked if he would like to stop by and see it, and he said yes. So we both got on the freeway and headed to Grants Pass. When we got there he was simply amazed at how much more room I had and, how nice it looked. It was quite a contrast from living in a travel trailer at the other park. While he was still living out of his trailer on his property which, was only 8 x 14 foot and extremely cramped. He was also surprised I was able to do this in such a short period, in part because I don't think he thought I was capable of it. He was the one who had it all together previously, and I was the one left struggling, with emotional issues. Or, he had conveyed something similar. And I said, "Hey, it helps if you find a real job," even though I had quit but, "Now I was working for the old man in Rogue River."

157  We chatted about this and a few other things, before I said I got the cable hooked up and signed up for one of the premium channels, saying it was nice to watch a good movie for a change. But, when I mentioned the R-rating and incidental nudity, it was like somebody flipped a switch that set him off. And I tried to explain Roy Masters watched R-rated movies all the time and wasn't affronted by it but, he wasn't going to hear another word and would have nothing to do with it—or me. And as he got out of the chair, while continuing to rant, he walked out the door and got in his truck and left, leaving me sitting there, dumbfounded. Talk about being abrupt!

158  About all I could figure is he was jealous because of my good fortune, and was looking for the first opportunity to leave or, it had more to do with what we talked about in his trailer that one night [n144]. It was hard to tell. Either way, it was uncalled for. While I began to wonder if I hadn't been cursed, similar to what the Bible says when it tells you to shake the dust off your feet at somebody's door. This is how it felt. And I have wondered if this didn't lead to all the trouble I had later, almost as if he opened the door. It seemed rather ominous at the time but, I managed to shake it off and get on with things. What, did somebody say skunk? [n4:62].

Apostle John

159  While according to Swedenborg, the apostle John was the most beloved, and was shown at Jesus' breast at the Last Supper. Thus in accord with the name David, which means beloved, one might better see the connection between the names David and John described in Jennifer (2) [4:36] which, as I said in chapter 13 [n3], corresponds to the number 6. And so portrays the bride to be during the engagement period (6) [n4:66] which, ultimately becomes the bride on the wedding day (7) [n4:72]. And, since it was my seventh residence, in accord with the marriage (7), it seems fitting that it correspond with the number 62 above [n153], for this is where the marriage occurs, between the 6th and 2nd aspects [n6:58].

160  Of course I knew John from my sixth residence, which portrayed the engagement period and, when stopping by my seventh residence, it portrayed the ceremony itself, for I hoped for nothing more than to receive his blessing. I still had respect for him at that time. Whereby in effect he said, "Lots of luck!" regarding those things yet to come, meaning he had just cursed me. Yet I was no less ethical towards my neighbors than he would have been, meaning it could have easily been an experience he had to go through. Neither did it portray the honeymoon [n4:83], which occurred later [n204]—which, in accord with the fourteen Gerarai, as conveyed in chapter 9 [n17] and my fourteenth residence [n354]—Justine (8) is shown shedding the bearskin of ignorance. By which circumcision itself, regarding Roy Masters and the FHU (and John), occurs between the 6th and 2nd aspects of the cross [n6:58]. So there it is!

Mother Visits

161  Later that summer my mother came up to visit. I thought about getting her to move here and wanted her to see the sights. So I drove down to Santa Rosa to pick her up and, while driving through California, I couldn't help but think I was better off than most Californians—even to the point of arrogance. For judgment would soon be passed onto the world and I had escaped, and California was supposed to be center stage. Such were my religious ideas at the time. And, it was something Roy Masters continued to stress.

162  When driving back to Oregon my mother and I decided to visit my aunt in Lower Lake, which is out in the middle of nowhere. I spoke of my aunt when staying with my cousins in Cupertino [n43]. We drove through Calistoga, up over Mt. St. Helena on Highway 29, and through Clear Lake—a very windy road. I wasn't aware of it when driving over the hill, but the most unusual thing was about to happen. My clutch was about ready to go out. And, although I stopped to adjust it once, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It still slipped a little. So we continued to drive and, when I missed my aunts turn-off on Highway 20, I hit the brakes hard, but forgot to engage the clutch. And there was a loud pop! Something was noticeably wrong, but I figured it was only the clutch adjustment. We were only two blocks away and drove over to my aunt's, and stopped to visit while I adjusted the clutch. Fortunately she was home!

163  After we left we only got a few miles before I knew the clutch was gone. We turned around and barely made it back: and, as the truck pulled into the driveway, there was no friction left on the clutch-plate! Who's to say what would have happened if I didn't hit the brakes hard like this? Where would it have broken-down? It was still 350 miles to Oregon! Indeed the clutch was ready to go out. So we spent the weekend at my aunt's, as I repaired the clutch, my first time ever. And being mechanically inclined, she helped out, as we both got greasy and dirty!

164  Now it seemed like an act of providence—or, Hermes? [n14:14]—that we were delivered to her doorstep, and though it wasn't stated outright, we all knew it was. And so coincides with Dionysus, where he and his mother Semele were washed ashore in a chest at Ino's doorstep! at Lower Lake? And, as Semele had died, Ino was charged with Dionysus' upbringing. Like I said earlier [n43], my aunt was one of the only people who helped me out as a youth, and one of the only people I identified with—a relationship developed after my mother's destruction: after she went to the mental hospital. And while there, I reflected on this relationship, and determined I had grown beyond it.

165  My mother spent the next two weeks with me in Oregon. She enjoyed her stay and was considering the move. Before leaving we drove to Crater Lake, a two-hour drive, and it was quite beautiful. A day or two later we drove back to Santa Rosa, and I drove home the next day. All of this time I was still working for the man in Rogue River, and when I got back I started stacking firewood for two or three days. The next day, Saturday, I went fishing along the Upper Rogue River, which was on the way to Crater Lake, over an hour's drive. It was late in the afternoon and I caught a nice looking trout. It started to get dark when I left. When I got home I started to cook the fish, and a drop of oil spattered onto my arm. And my whole body twinged, as a tingling sensation ran up and down my spine. Needless to say I had hurt my back. With all of this driving and stacking wood, my back muscles had weakened, and this was all it took. It probably wouldn't have if I had gotten some rest.

166  I knew something was wrong, but not how serious it was, so I went to work on Monday to finish stacking firewood. But when I started to complain about the pain, all this man could do was accuse me of lying. He said he'd seen it all before, having been a foreman in a machine shop in Los Angeles for many years, and I was only interested in the insurance money. He was getting old and senile and, incompetent, and this was his way of protecting himself, rather than show any real concern. I continued to work a few days, in pain, but we continued to bicker and I decided I had enough. The pain was chronic, but lessened a couple of months later when I began to exercise: lifting weights and doing back-raises. It was about the time that he called me back, to work a few weeks in the fall. And, although we continued to bicker, I left when I was out of work this time.

Daughter Moves in

167  My mother came up again in December, to spend Christmas, and all she did was complain about the cold. It was also about the time my neighbor's youngest daughter moved in, a week or two before Christmas. She was about 22, and came up with her boyfriend from Modesto, after moving back from Iowa, and both were living off her mother and the little money she had. And her mother told me how thoughtless and irresponsible this was.

168  Her mother spent most of her nights out, house sitting or nursing, and it wasn't long before all hell broke loose. One night while my mother was there, she turned the stereo up. It was after midnight and really blaring and I went over to tell them to shut it off. When she answered the door she was noticealy drunk. Her mother spoke about her drinking problem later. I told her she had no business playing the stereo this late and would have to shut it off. When her boyfriend came to the door he was also drunk—and fuming. I said they'd better shut it off and insisted I would get them kicked out of the park. He tried to argue, when I said it again and left. I questioned whether I was too assertive, but I was looking out for my interest and her mother's, and the last thing I wanted was things to get out of hand in the middle of the night. Which is, after all why I moved from California, to get away from this kind of crap!

169  They turned the music off about twenty minutes later, but it's clear it didn't go over well with them. And the very next day, later that evening, she began to stomp on the floor, and they were soon yelling at each other. It seemed to last a half-hour, and they did it at least once more. This may have been when I called the cops, though I think it was a few nights later when I called them twice. I may have called them once afterwards. I found out later they were yelling because he was trying to get her to keep it down—and, as her mother described it, she was very unruly. He left a few weeks later.

Evil Spirits

170  So the stage was set, and it appeared the late-night disturbances would continue. I was getting angry, and began to feel leery. I also had problems with her mother coming home at night, with her driveway less than ten feet from my living room, where I slept. I preferred to sleep in the living room; while my mother slept in the bedroom until she left. Though it often woke me, it was unavoidable, and I refrained from getting upset. While at some point I began to sleep in the bedroom after my mother left, for it was further from the driveway, but it didn't seem to make much difference. It was the night after my 29th birthday that it happened, on January 11th. The mother came home with her older daughter, she was in her early-thirties, and it disturbed me. I was having a dream and in it I cursed in God's name, and an evil spirit entered my left jaw. Typically it happens on my left side, in accord with a part that's vulnerable or exposed, or overworked. And I awoke.

171  It wasn't that traumatic, for I wasn't too wound-up or upset at the time. But it was disheartening, for I had succumbed, and it was plain I hadn't learned to cope with it. And, while her boyfriend left just prior to this, and I hoped to get a handle on things, it was of little consolation. What it did was open the door to my fears, and I couldn't keep it shut. This indeed is what happened. And for the next few weeks I went through a phase of disorientation, as I tried to reconcile myself.

172  It wasn't long before she had a new boyfriend, after she started working for a nursing home at night, he was a nurse there, and the pattern with the noise and arguing continued. Like the previous boyfriend, he tried to get her to keep it down. While at some point I began to pressure her mom, insisting she get her to leave, and I wouldn't let up. She kept complaining of how irresponsible she was anyway. I still continued to work for her, but without consulting the daughter. Ordinarily I would have, but it was my way of letting her know I didn't care for her behavior. At one point I was up on the roof sweeping the pine needles off, and though it was late in the morning, around 11:00 am, I figured she was still sleeping. Once she began to curse at me from the kitchen window, when I was sweeping the pine needles out of the driveway. It was late in the afternoon and I kept hearing these vile utterances, wondering where they were coming from. It went on for about ten minutes before I realized it was her. I think I must have startled her or, she thought I was snooping around the trailer.

173  Needless to say it was only the beginning with the evil spirits, and a month or so after the first possession, the second possession occurred. From there it progressively got worse, as things began to unravel and cascade. They started to happen one right after the other, sometimes within days of each other. I referred to this in my fifth residence, regarding the premonition [n134-135]. It was also about the time I began my wanderings, all over Southern Oregon: as I camped out to try and put some distance between myself and my neighbors.

174  In April I believe, I went back to work for the old man in Rogue River [n12:18], and spoke of my problems with my neighbors, but not about the spirits. It was also about the time I fixed up my travel trailer and put it on consignment, for my unemployment benefits were running out. While fixing it, the roof was leaking and the wallpaper needed to be replaced, I started sleeping out there, and got some relief from my neighbors. It wasn't enough though, and I soon put my mobile home up for sale, not the travel trailer, possibly after my first night out.

A Revealing Dream

175  At one point I had a very revealing dream about this young woman. I was with another spirit, a man, who spoke of finding some women for pleasure. We started to look and when we found someone suitable, he started having intercourse with her, doing pretty much as he pleased. When he was about through he said, "Okay it's your turn," and I started to get ready. But when I looked over at the young woman's face it was beautiful—and yet, very sad—the saddest face I'd ever seen! And I began to cry. At which point I awoke and exclaimed, "Okay I know who you are! You're the Devil! And you won't get away with it!" And I started shaking my fists. When I fell back asleep I had another dream, about an evil spirit with a hideous face. We began to struggle and it eventually overpowered me, as it got inside near my heart. It was about my seventh possession [n8:7-9]. When I awoke I was furious, and heard my neighbor's daughter up with the TV blaring. I sensed she somehow seduced me, although she didn't, and later the next day I started pounding my fist on the inside walls of the mobile home.

176  Soon afterwards, around my tenth possession, in May? I encountered David at Tall Timber Ranch, as related in chapter 13 [n36]. This was the ultimate slap in the face, showing I was clearly on my own. And later that day I received a phone-call, from someone threatening me and calling me a vile name. It was in response to the letter I'd written to Freedom to Express, a local paper with no affiliation with Roy Masters. Yet I believe it was an offshoot from his being there, for one of its editors, David, was later put in charge of the FHU. This is the same David I refer to in chapter 8 [n1]. In the letter I accentuated Roy Masters' right to be there, saying he had just as much right as the next person, and I gave a very sound argument. And it was during the middle of my crisis! I thought it might help counteract the negativity I was experiencing. It was also the first pro-Roy Masters article I was aware of, written by someone other than the paper's staff. It seemed nobody wanted to go out on a limb. So it's ironic I should receive the phone-call on this day.

177  Soon after this, my neighbor told me the whole story about her daughter: of how she was a good kid until she got into the liquor cabinet in high school, and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. And how she and her second husband were heavy drinkers—and socializers—and didn't find out until it was too late, a year or two later. While I believe this is when I told her about Roy Masters, and showed her the article I'd written in the Iconoclast Magazine [n92].

The New Boyfriend

178  The daughter also had another boyfriend, who was an ex-cop. Which leads me to ask why? I suspect he was let go for being over-zealous. While he let her borrow his old dilapidated pickup truck, after she wrecked the car her mother's friend gave her—the one I was asked to work on. And, while much of the noise at night had subsided, the truck more than made up for it. It needed a muffler and a tune-up and, both doors were sprung. So when she got home, often with her previous boyfriend, it sputtered badly and the doors made an awful crashing noise! And so she continued to disturb my sleep, and the demons continued their onslaught.

179  It was also about the time I realized something essential about this woman, and began to wonder if she was that missing counterpart in my life—to offset my emptiness and callousness. I felt this deeply and knew I had to find a way to reconcile things. And like I said in Daphne (1) [n4:28], the truth dawned, and she appeared like some wonderful sun coming up in my mind. And so it seems no coincidence that it occurred on my 29th birthday and, that she was from Iowa the 29th state [6:67], both of which correspond to Daphne, as does the year 85. It's one reason why I've gone into so much detail here, for it signified the beginning of the end—of all that I knew—and the most phenomenal change. While in Revelation 11, it speaks of the Two Witnesses, who prophesy 42 months before the advent of the New Church. This was about how long it took me to recover, and to assume a new outlook in life, what I proclaimed on July 11th, 1988 [n369].

180  I brooded over this for a few days, and at one point cried out—in my heart—hoping she would sense my concern. I needed to bridge this great rift. And, as everything seemed to unfold in a prearranged way, to assume a spiritual precedence, it seemed like the thing to do. Nor did I know what else to do. And so from my point of devastation, I called some spiritual entity to me, an angel? and sensed she somehow responded. It felt like someone or something was there, and in my heart I imagined she was on the couch with me, as I held and caressed her, without the sex. Indeed it was very soothing—and, felt like I had tapped into something.

The Letter

181  So I opted to write her a letter, to try and explain my dilemma. Which was the most unusual thing, for as soon as I began to write it, she came to the door! I was sure my prayers had been answered and, that it confirmed my experience above. While it was essentially the first time we met, except briefly at her door the first night [n158], and once when I did something for her mother, when I worked on her car? she was lying on the couch and we didn't say much. I believe this is why she approached me, for it was plain I only wanted to help, and not give her a bad time.

182  She was noticeably upset and I asked if I could help. I invited her in and we began to talk, and I tried to calm her down. She said she and her friends were at the Rogue River the night before, and lost the keys to her boyfriend's truck. She asked if we could drive over and look for them, and I said yes. When we got there we scoured the area but couldn't find them. And, as I said in Daphne (1), she expressed a special fondness for the river at this time [n4:31]. She said they also drove to the Applegate River seven miles away in another car [367; n13:69], and she could have lost them there. I suggested we go there and look but, that we first try and move the truck, which was parked down the boat-ramp in the way. We spent the next half-hour trying to push it with my truck, but to no avail; and I nearly burned out the new clutch! [n153]. We then drove to the Applegate River and spent forty-five minutes looking there.

183  Unfortunately we couldn't find the keys and we had to come back. When we got back we sat on her mom's front steps and began to talk. We then went inside to see if anything was in the refrigerator, as it was getting late. Her mother wasn't home yet. She then said she wanted to go see a movie, and insisted I go with her; she was grateful and wanted to spend more time with me. But she was beginning to take control and I didn't think it was a good idea. I was out of my element and knew it wouldn't work if I let her lead me by the nose, like her other boyfriends. I wanted more than a one night stand.

The Argument

184  So I turned her down, but she wouldn't accept it, and we spent the next twenty minutes going back and forth about it. We were practically arguing when I suggested she was irresponsible, and she got furious, and started calling me a filthy pig. I believe she was referring to how I looked, for I just got off of work before she came to my door. I was still working for the man in Rogue River [n148]. So I got up and said I was leaving, while she got up from the sofa and headed for the door—all the while shouting. She was a strong young woman, and very willful, and we both struggled. I had to tackle her to get her out of the way! When we got up I apologized and said I didn't mean to get her upset. She then grabbed my arms and, while swinging them, looked me in the face and endearingly said it was alright. I then said I had to go and left.

185  That was about the extent of it, so I figured I'd play it cool and wait and see what happened. Sure enough she asked for a ride a few days later, to the hearing on her car accident. I said I would, and while it proceeded, I waited in the courtroom. I drove her home afterwards. I had also finished the letter, and wondered if I should give it to her but held off. I wanted to get to know her better, nor was it the time or place.

186  Having referred to my dream in the letter, I said it reminded me of Marilyn Monroe, who was very beautiful but had to suffer tragically, because she let people take advantage of her. And I made the comparison to her, and spoke of my concern. Her mother said she also won a beauty contest in Iowa [n169]. And I spoke of my experiences with the evil spirits, and about pounding my fist on the inside of the trailer, as well as the experience where I imagined caressing her on the couch. And, attempting to suggest it was spiritually ordained, I referred to marriage, and said I hoped to take her to heaven with me—which, uncannily portrays Dionysus and Ariadne ascending to heaven together. And it was the first time I had ever done this! It also portrays Apollo's great admiration for Daphne [n4:23], since it's more closely related to that, which is just an earlier version of the myth. Whereby Daphne is whisked off to Crete, to become the mother of Aridane [n4:24].

Contents of Letter Creepy

187  There's no doubt its content was questionable—even creepy—but considering my state of duress, and the surrounding circumstances, who can say how wrong it was? I wasn't fabricating it, and it was the only plausible thing I understood. Yet I know I wouldn't allow it to happen again today, nor am I condoning someone else's behavior. This theme is continued into my eighth residence with even wilder results [n195], while I speak of something similar that happened at work in 1990 [n12:55-74], but without all the implications. Perhaps I can give some insight into why people do this, and dissuade others from doing it?

188  I gave her a ride a couple of days later, to the house of the elderly woman she was caring for. This is when it became apparent she wasn't interested, and she received me coolly that day. And like Apollo, he was struck with love, while Daphne showed no interest [n4:23]. And so it seems fitting to equate Apollo with Dionysus, for theirs was the relationship of truth to good [n14:5], i.e., you can't have one without the other; and, while the truth predominated with Apollo, and good with Dionysus, elements of both are contained in each. While indeed, their relationship signified the height of Greek culture. Thus being the period of ascertaining the truth in my life, without the full comprehension of good—which I equate with Roy Masters' church [n81-87]—it seems fitting that I correlate it with Apollo.

189  I was also concerned about her boyfriend, for I expected her to dump him if my beliefs were correct. I knew they weren't right for each other, and even heard her mother emphatically say over the phone he was a fool for believing her daughter's lies. She also spoke to me about this, and in my own mind I knew he had no business being there. But she continued to see him, and I got more anxious. I then opted to make my move, and gave her the letter a couple of days later, the day they went on a picnic.

The Mother's Hostility

190  The next day I believe I spoke to her mother, and tried to develop an alliance with her: I was hoping she could steer the boyfriend away. Suggesting she ease up on her daughter, and take more responsibility for her problems, she became very defensive—even hostile—and put most of the blame on her daughter. It was clear she was trying to sweep it under the rug, and wasn't treating her daughter fairly. This is when I got angry, and determined this whole misunderstanding was mostly her doing; and her daughter became the true heroine. In fact if it wasn't for this, I wouldn't have pursued things further, for I didn't intend to take it past giving the daughter the letter. I was only more determined. And so it was out of spite, with intensified feelings for the daughter, that things got out of hand.

191  It was clear I couldn't count on the mother, nor did the daughter get back to me, although I spoke to her about it once. I was getting more anxious as I wrote her a couple of notes and stuck them on her door: saying I awaited her reply and she shouldn't delay, with a sense of urgency. I also started sleeping with the shades open in the living room, on the sofa-bed, and turning the porch light on when she got home. And while it was questionable behavior, I really was lovesick. This is what I ascribe to giving chase in Daphne (1) [n4:30], and it went on for about a week, until the night they both came home in his car.

The Confrontation

192  I turned the porch light on and opened the door, the screen door was closed, as they drove up and parked in front of her mother's. They stayed in the car and talked, and she started gesturing to him. I just stood there and glared. I wasn't sure they saw me, for it was a good fifty feet, and they weren't looking my way. I figured they were ignoring me "as usual." It went on for five or ten minutes, until I finally decided I had enough. It was clear she wasn't responding—for she was still hanging out with him! Little did I know she was scared to death! I then decided if he wanted her he could have her and walked outside. Of course I hadn't said anything to him before, feeling he was only interfering and didn't merit my acknowledgment. Similar to his game? While the words of her mother kept ringing in my ears—what a fool!

193  I walked up to the car and knocked on the window, which startled him. When he rolled it down I said, "Hey, let's shake hands and forget about the whole thing." He then got out and, it became apparent he was accustomed to getting his way by bullying people. Thinking he had me all figured out he started to grimace and threaten me. I was just another piece of low life scum, and he was going to demand retribution for terrifying this poor helpless creature in his car. It quickly turned into a scuffle, and I did all I could to hold him off. Indeed he was big and muscular—and powerful. Fortunately I'd been working out and doing yard-work, otherwise he would have overcome me in a short time. As it was we scuffled for about a half-hour.

Getting Me to Succumb

194  He tried to project this hideous monster into me, to get me angry or scared, and get me to succumb. And he put on a big display, the mighty warrior that he was, to try and impress her, and show how he could wipe out any scum that got in their way. And I knew he was trying to justify what he wanted to do next—beat the daylights out of me! or, even kill me. I wasn't putting it past him. While he kept telling me how much he loved her? All I sensed was a huge ego, for I wasn't soliciting this kind of confrontation. She was also horrified, and asked us both to stop early on, at least twice. But towards the end he overpowered me, and started to pound his fist on my head, before he had her pull the gun out of the glove box and put it to the back of my head and threatened to shoot. Any clue as to why he was an ex-cop?

195  He let me go shortly afterwards, after he forced me to apologize to her. But I was undeterred and, as I walked back into the house I exclaimed, "Have a good evening!" But it didn't have to go this far, if he wasn't so intent on putting on a display. If anything he discredited himself, to prove his callousness and cruelty: i.e., who was the real monster? I found out later they said I was masturbating when I was at the door, which was an outright lie—or, an attempt to save face? I suspected it was his doing. If so, why was he startled when I walked up to his window? He clearly wasn't keeping an eye on me—the creep. While I was in plain view all the time. But because she was terrified, it probably helped get the restraining order I was served a few days later. It was still a hideous thing to say.

196  In the meanwhile her mother approached me saying she heard about what happened and said I was very sick. And later the same day the landlord, who I was in good standing with, came up and started reading me the riot act. And threatened to kick me out of the park if I so much as looked at the girl. I tried to tell him about what was happening at night, but he was too angry. I didn't say anything before because I hadn't had a falling out with the mother yet. So it seems everybody was now against me, and the situation was extremely tense—Gad! It's amazing what one little lie can do. ". . . and a troop shall over come him, but he shall overcome at the last." Genesis 49:19

Police Officer at Door

197  I felt terribly restricted and opted to stay low for awhile, restricting myself mainly to my trailer. Thus when the police officer came to my door it was a welcomed relief. I let him in and we began to talk about the letter. And though he hadn't read it, he said most women were troubled by this kind of material, reference to the Devil, and I concurred. I then spoke of coming between the mother and her daughter's problems, of how it was upsetting me and disturbing my sleep. He acknowledged this before bringing up the restraining order, and asked if I thought I could leave the daughter alone. I said I had already determined this, and that I put my mobile home up for sale and was looking forward to moving. He thought it was a good idea and said there was one last thing he wanted to ask, if I had been masturbating while standing in the door. I was somewhat amazed, but not surprised it was said, and said no. He seemed satisfied and got up and thanked me for understanding. We then shook hands and he left. Indeed there was quite a contrast between his professionalism and the outright contempt of the daughter's boyfriend.

Episode Resolved

198  A few nights later this whole episode was resolved. It was late, I was in bed and I had fallen asleep. I awoke and heard an eerie noise outside—a haunting noise, like a ghost, trailing off before reoccurring again. I was half-awake and kept falling back asleep. Finally I sat up and listened intently. It was the daughter running through the trailer park, with her boyfriend chasing her. She was shouting and taunting him, as he struggled and wrestled with her, trying to bring her under control; all the while echoing throughout the park. I surmised she was probably drunk or, he was trying to force her into something, i.e., control her the way he did other people—or, it was just his idea of love? I suspected he'd had a falling out with her and she wanted out. It lasted about a half-hour, and she spent much of the time running through the huge lawn next to the landlord's house. Thus I knew the fever had broken, and it was like a great weight lifted off my shoulders. And I thought there still might be a chance between us.

199  The landlord approached me a couple of days later saying he heard the whole thing and said she really had a problem. It may have been when I paid the rent. He then said he misjudged me, and he wouldn't hear another word. I guess he figured I was the same person who had helped out around the property, as well as helped the other tenants. Having mixed feelings about it I was slow to respond, for I didn't want her to get into trouble. I was still relieved though, for it took more of the pressure off, and it was good not to lose his friendship. Little did I know I wouldn't see her again.

Where did Daughter Go?

200  A couple of weeks went by and I began to wonder if she went to live with other relatives, something her mother had talked about. Things were relatively calm now, and I hoped she was ready to see I wasn't the bad guy, and I had weathered this entire storm for proof. I still felt she was close at hand but, I hadn't seen her in over a week. It was like she vanished into thin air! Remember Daphne? [n4:30]. And like Apollo I let her go, but pronounced the greatest admiration for her.

201  I still wasn't in the clear, for throughout the ordeal I managed to get both mother and daughter upset, and sensitized to the comings and goings of evil spirits. I knew this was so—which is why the daughter finally left—for something later happened to the mother, under similar circumstances to mine when I was overpowered. I won't go into specific detail but, it was something I clearly understood. And due to a high level of tension, coupled with a sense of feeling trapped, with no recourse, it sets the stage—for trauma. And when she started banging on the walls of her trailer at 4:00 o'clock in the morning [n165], I knew this is what happened.

202  While just before the daughter left, I experienced a banging noise in my ears, right at the moment I fell asleep. At the time I thought it was the daughter stomping on the floor; that as soon as I fell asleep it freed up my unconscious—the evil lurking there—which was then directed towards her. And so I was very apprehensive about going to bed, which didn't help. Remember the movie, Forbidden Planet? By waking me up it would subside, as I reflected on my fears and tried to bring them under sway, until I fell asleep again. And it may have happened this way, but the banging noise continued when I moved. I suspect that it set up a pattern, that my unconscious mind latched onto, similar I believe to what happens when people start to hear voices.

Fear of Projecting Evil

203  It was this fear of projecting evil onto someone else that perpetuated the situation with the mother. At this point I had little to do with her, but I assumed it was understood this was going on. What else was I to do after what happened? So the spirits continued their assault, as I tried to reconcile myself. At one point I started developing a relationship with her, similar to what I said about the daughter in my letter [n170]. It seemed to make a difference then, and I figured it might help with the mother. I didn't know what else to do? So I began to stage things in my mind, and portray all the tension between us, to try and bridge this rift. Effectively I took her to me as a wife [n248]. Feeling I was at fault for setting her up, I assumed responsibility for her soul, as I tried to soothe and comfort her, and protect her. Which indeed is hard to do when you're not in direct contact with someone.

Seventh Commandment / Church of Laodicea

204  It was essentially the first time I began to stage things in my mind—being a more sustained effort than with the daughter. I also regard the daughter and mother as the first of the Four Wives of Dennis, related in chapter 4 [n6-8]. And I warn you not to scoff, for there are serious implications here! You're apt to open the same door in your mind! And so brings up the seventh commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," with its similarity to the Church of Laodicea, the seventh and lukewarm church. Which, as I said in the last chapter, signified an adulteration of truth [n10:27-28]. This indeed was my predicament, for everything had become perverted and twisted around. And, in terms of their behavior, the mother and daughter played the part of the adulteress, not that I really blame them, for it was something that needed to happen. And, while it was the severest of trials, I managed to hold onto my beliefs. Which prompts my reference to Gad, Israel's seventh son and what was foretold about him [n186]. It therefore seems fitting that it apply to my seventh residence. I lived here for seventeen months altogether, from 5/84 to 10/85.