Eighth Residence

 195 My mobile home had been for sale since April, and the seller's agreement was up in October. But rather than list it with the realtor again, I opted to move it onto a piece of property in the country. This is what I really wanted to do all along, though I hoped to buy instead of rent but, I'm afraid my mind was too far gone by now.

  ... Rehired at Work

 196 In the meanwhile, in September, I was rehired at the company I worked for in 1984. After approaching my boss several times over the past six months, he finally gave me a call. He said he had something for me to do, but instead of electronics, it involved building a shop building out back (20' x 20'), as well as some building maintenance tasks. He called because he knew I was doing all the yard-work, nor did he have the time to do it himself. He later had me build some electronics prototype assemblies.

 197 It was also about the time my mother came up to visit for a month. But she was only there about a week when my boss called, and she decided to leave early. Before she left, I remember taking her to look at a piece of property with me. (I only seriously considered renting some property after going back to work.) Afterwards, while constructing the shop, I asked my boss if I could sleep out there: he was already aware of my problems with the neighbors (it was only the mother now) and he said he didn't mind. While there I started getting paranoid when I drove up in the evening, for the neighbor over the fence was somebody's residence. And like what happened at home, I was afraid of projecting "my evil" over there. Sensing they were somehow aware of this, I was afraid I was setting them up for something disastrous. While at some point somebody came out to look around (the first few nights?) but, they may have been letting out the dog. I just assumed nobody knew I was there.

  ... Merlin, Oregon

 198 Towards the beginning of October, two or three weeks later, I found a place out in Merlin, just northwest of Grants Pass. It was a two acre site in the country, out in the middle of nowhere; while the landlord had only recently installed the essentials: utility pole, water and septic, and later a driveway. I still had to dig a 15' trench for the septic line, and get the electricity drawn from across the road, as well as get it all approved (which included the foundation blocks under the trailer). Nor was the propane tank installed or the phone lines laid. The phone lines required I dig a 250' trench, but more about this later. Needless to say I was without utilities for two weeks after I moved in.

 199 After giving my other landlord notice, I began preparing for the move, which occurred around the 15th. Except for actually moving the trailer, I did all the work myself. So I spent eight hours at work, and another five to six hours in the evening, moving, and it was all physical. When I finally got to bed at night and, as I was still having problems with the evil spirits, I was lucky to get any sleep. It was an exhausting ordeal, that lasted three to four weeks, and it clearly couldn't continue. But I initially had all of this energy, in part because I was in good shape, while I had also gotten wild and unruly: thinking I had been too reserved all along, and that it was contributing to the spirits, it seemed to lessen the impact. Then one day at work it was decided it was time to shake the walnut tree out back: an English walnut grafted to a black walnut. Guess what? I was elected the man for the task, for I had all the right credentials. So I scampered up the tree like a monkey, and shook it with complete abandon, until every single nut fell—perhaps. There's more about this later.

  ... The New Neighbors

 200 It was evident early on that I was going to have problems with the neighbors across the road. For their house was for sale and listed by a realtor affiliated with Roy Masters: who listed their property almost exclusively in The Iconoclast, and had written an article therein, as well as sold some property for Roy. So it was easy to conclude my neighbors were "related" to Roy, which was later confirmed by my dealings with them. While it was this one thing that made it feel like I hadn't gotten away from the problem. I sensed they would soon pick up on me, and I wouldn't be able to control "my fears."

 201 It's also significant that the woman's name was Virginia (I had already seen the family coming and going), for it was about this time that I surmised I was possessed by 35 evil spirits. While a few years later, while working with the order of admission of the United States, I found out Virginia was the "10th state," and West Virginia was the "35th state." Which indeed is where I had moved, across the road from Virginia—on the west side! There's a lot more significance to her name, which I'll be relating below. And, if it wasn't for this, this account wouldn't be so meaningful.

 202 It was my first or second night there, as I was trying to sleep, that I became very aware of their presence, and began to transfix my fears over there. And I felt a presence or heard a voice? of the mother saying, "We're a happy family here," and she extended her welcome to me; and I sensed something very beautiful or saintly about it (motherly). Needless to say I felt I had established a "link," and it was extremely difficult not to dwell on it. I was afraid I was going to project some horrible thing over there and, as I was fairly sure they were acquainted with Roy, I knew the husband wouldn't respond well to it.

  ... The First Vision

 203 I believe it was the same night that I had a vision: of my truck, parked in the middle of their living room! I was already asleep dreaming, when there it was, clear as day—and I woke up immediately. Indeed it epitomized my transgression, for I had just moved in and, most everything was done in my truck: and so coincides with projecting my fears. While it best exemplified my comings and goings, for it's primarily what they saw of me. (They knew when I was home.) I tried to reconcile myself to this but, I knew something was about to give.

 204 It was the next night that I believe I had a dream: where I got into a fight with the husband; who indeed was trying to protect his interests, but failed to understand who I was or the circumstances that brought me there (where I came up with the notion of my transgression, for which reason I adduced theirs was greater). It was a prolonged struggle, as we tried to direct "this evil" to its proper place: i.e., I knew if I lost I would suffer another possession or, the same thing would happen to him. We were fairly evenly matched, but it was his property and he had the upper hand. I succeeded though, when I picked up a sack of flour and dumped it over his head—and he was caught wearing the bag! Because of what happened with my other neighbors, I was now involved with my new neighbors. I was sure I had driven somebody crazy, and was more caught up in my mind than ever. Needless to say my "next possession" occurred a couple of nights later. This has a lot to do with being self-conscious!

  ... Dream about Dinosaur

 205 It was also early on that I had a dream about a huge dinosaur or a dragon. It looked like a tyrannosaurus rex and appeared like dung, and its wrath was directed towards the wife. (This may have been when the next possession occurred.) And it was the same night that I believe I had the most vivid dream: about the wife, laying on a spacious round bed with a ruffled white comforter, doing what was otherwise reserved for her husband! (She appeared to be calling to him.) And while it was very explicit, I sensed nothing profane. In fact it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen! So it was beginning to look like I was responsible for the wife's welfare which, was a prelude of things to come.

 206 My neighbors also let their two dogs roam the area, as it was out in the country with few neighbors close by. They were likable animals, the male was a golden retriever and the female a speckled collie, while it was one thing that suggested these people were affiliated with Roy, and his liberal attitude towards animals. We immediately took a liking to each other, but, I was continually reminded of their owners.

 207 The situation continued to deteriorate, as I started to develop a theme about my dilemma. Much of it had to do with Roy Masters, and his theme about transgression and restitution, something he continued to stress. In fact if it wasn't for this, I would have been spared much of what follows. And while it can and is a good thing, it depends more on the criteria that decides when a transgression has been committed. Hence he spoke of people and their "trashy nature," and how they don't deserve what they have. And he gave examples of how people tried to get him involved in something wrong, and wound up forfeiting their fortunes to him. While he compared himself to Abraham, and God's covenant with him: "And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee..." Genesis 12:3 Thus being one of God's elect, it almost became a mandate, and a debt was incurred when people rejected or, despised him. And in my own mind it explains the (imagined) tug-of-war about to ensue.

  ... A Brief Reprieve

 208 The tension continued to build for the next week-and-a-half, when I was given a brief reprieve. I had just gotten off work and was driving home when I saw a young woman hitchhiking. So I stopped to ask where she was going, something I didn't ordinarily do, but I was feeling adventurous that day. She said she needed a ride to her mother's house in Wolf Creek, about 22 miles north of Grants Pass (near the Wolf Creek Tavern). About a half-hour drive, it was very beautiful and scenic going over the mountains, and we had an engaging conversation. A gentle woman in her early twenties (twenty-four?)—and yet bewitching—she spoke of her early marriage at the age of fifteen or sixteen? Of how her husband was considerably older and that they were now separated, and how he had taken control of the kids and arbitrarily kicked her out of the house (because of her immaturity?), what he apparently intended to do all along. And she spoke of her little boy in the hospital in Roseburg, who she hoped to see in the next day or two.

 209 I said I was single and pretty much a free spirit, and had just moved my mobile home onto some property in Merlin. And, because of what was happening with my neighbors, I threw out kind of wishfully that I thought I'd be getting married soon. While she spoke of her love for her husband in her youth and how he had broken her heart, saying she wouldn't allow herself to get so close to someone again. And I exclaimed, "But I wouldn't do that to you!" To which she didn't reply.

 210 I was moved by what she said and offered to give her a ride to the hospital. She said it wasn't necessary. I said it wasn't any trouble, but she seemed already set in her mind. I then jokingly asked if she wanted me to go beat her husband up. She said she didn't think it was a good idea, for he was a big man and was used to getting his way, and I wouldn't fair very well. We were nearing our destination when I said she was a nice person and I hoped we could keep in touch. She seemed open about it and gave me her phone-number, and we parted.

  ... Flight into the Night

 211 It was that same night that I had a dream: I was startled and roused awake by a young woman, who took me by the hand as we whisked into the night sky. We sailed through the stars until we came to Sunnyvalley, which is just south of Wolf Creek. She was very fervent as she stayed close, and seemed to ascribe our ability to fly to me. When we landed I picked her up and she put her arms around my neck and we held the deepest embrace. It all seemed to be orchestrated through "her will," born of her passion towards me, as well as my concern for her welfare. She seemed to think I was Superman! Why not? having ascribed this stage of my life to Apollo, if any superhero best exemplified Apollo, it was Superman. So here we were in Sunnyvalley! (i.e., Apollo was the sun god).

 212 Up to this point, this was the most profound dream I ever had. I had never been fully conscious like this before, i.e., in the spirit. While it clearly alluded to what happened earlier that day, and I knew there was something special about this woman. And for the next day or two I imagined she was with me, as I held and caressed and comforted her. I even imagined going to the hospital and staying with her in the hospital room. I was sure I felt her presence.

  ... The Second Vision

 213 I don't recall giving her the phone-number at work, but she called a couple of days later. We had a nice little chat, and before she hung up she said she hoped we'd have a happy relationship. It was also about this time that I had a vision: I was out back working on the shop, putting up the paneling or something on the inside. I was still thinking about her when suddenly something stirred in my mind. And I closed my eyes and saw "this scribbling," which turned into a glowing ember or something? before becoming fully blown into a steelhead trout! swimming motionless in the middle of a stream and looking straight up at me! It was the first time I ever had a vision (while awake), and it was very intrinsic, suggesting this woman was immersed in my thought stream and, that it was time to come home—"specifically" (to spawn). I felt very deeply about it.

 214 In fact if it wasn't for this, I wouldn't have been so bold when she called a couple of days later. It was after her visit to the hospital, and her little boy was still on her mind. After talking a few minutes I felt compelled to tell her about my imagined visit to the hospital, which wasn't too smart, for she ended the conversation abruptly saying, "Well I have to go now." What else was I to do?

  ... Halloween Night

 215 It was getting close to Halloween, and I tried getting a hold of her a couple of more times, but to no avail. On Halloween I called and asked if it would be okay to stop by that evening. (I don't recall who I talked to.) She was home and we talked briefly as she got ready to go trick-or-treating. Her mother was there and we were introduced. She soon left and I wound up spending the evening with her mother—one of the strangest evenings I've ever spent! Her mother was very emotional, and when the trick-or-treaters started coming to the door they were literally bombarded, though no one seemed to mind. (They knew who she was.) These are the kind of people Roy Masters tells you to avoid or, at least refrain from responding to, for they detract from your clarity and suck you into their confusion.

 216 Indeed she started coming at me from all directions, and when she mentioned she was black (50 percent?), something that wasn't apparent that I couldn't see coming and, with my unwillingness to get sucked in, she began to unload. She started accusing me of being a racist, and began speaking of how horrible I and other people were for being this way. This went on for a couple of hours as we swam around in a sea of emotions: I could only sit there and look at her, with little response. While I admit I've never been much of a conversationalist, as it tends mostly to serve other people's egos, plus, with all the turmoil going on inside, as well as having the daughter on my mind, there wasn't much to say. I was finally freed from all of this when her "long lost" husband appeared at the door, who she hadn't seen in years! How strange? I watched on for another hour before I finally excused myself and said I had to go (around 11:00 p.m.).

  ... The Next Day

 217 All this time I had been waiting for the daughter to come home, but by now it was pointless. I then decided I'd write her a letter, specifically about the dream and the vision, and further explain my trip to the hospital, and then maybe she'd come around. It wasn't altogether different than the previous letter that got me into trouble—though I made no reference to the Devil—for I spoke of marriage and "spiritual things," as well as our ascent to heaven. I finished it the next day and decided to stop by that evening. I didn't bother to call ahead, but she was there when I got there. At that time she said I had really gotten her mother's goat the night before, and that not many people were capable of it.

 218 I gave her the letter to read, and she did so without delay. When she was through she was a little amazed and exclaimed, "What an unusual letter!" That was about the extent of it, and there wasn't much else said. But it was a far cry from what happened before, with all the horror and shock involved! Shortly afterwards her boyfriend came to the door, and we were introduced. He was very docile and didn't say but a few words, all the time I was there. She catered to him for the rest of the evening, while I sat in the background. It was apparent she wasn't interested so I finally got up and excused myself. I figured I didn't need to keep torturing myself, for I had acted in good faith and couldn't take it further. It was now up to her to get a hold of me. This was the last I time saw her. I've equated this young woman to Sibyl, and her rejection of Apollo.

  ... At Home Alone

 219 So I found myself back at home, alone, and faced with the prospect of dealing with the new neighbors. All this time spent dwelling on Wolf Creek had been a diversion, and I had relatively little trouble with the spirits, though I was assaulted in my sleep the night I had a run-in with the mother. This only corroborates my intentions, that they were honor-able, and so underscores the correlation to Apollo. It wasn't long before I was transfixing my fears on the neighbors again, and the demons continued their onslaught. I suspected the whole family was terrified, and the husband was still crazy and out for revenge: why the tension continued to build, for I thought it was he who was in my mind disrupting things, keeping me from calming things down.

 220 Hence I had become the peacemaker, and it was up to the husband to tow the line, which he wouldn't do. It had now evolved beyond "my transgression," and it was he who was in the wrong, and it continued to escalate. At one point I staged a fight in my mind and beat the daylights out of him. Here we are with the theme of restitution again. Consequently I felt justified when I claimed his wife, for it was his default. Besides, who was going to take care of her if he wouldn't. Of course none of this would have transpired if I didn't think they were affiliated with Roy Masters, and they weren't aware of who I was—which gave him a formidable spirit. Some of these ideas had already occurred to me by the time I picked up the young woman hitchhiking, and it's what I was referring to about "getting married" (though I had her in mind).

 221 I continued this theme after querying the woman across the road about her name (in my mind), and determining it was Katherine: first Katie, which is short for Kate, and then Katherine (which correlates with Karen). It was an honest inquiry, and this is what came to me. And, since it was my truck that signified my transgression, which I bought from a friend named Alex (at my third residence), I equated myself with Alexander—The Great. And Katherine became my queen—Catherine The Great. Thus is it only a coincidence that Alexander's exploits were equated with Dionysus? As for her husband, I equated him with Ivan The Terrible, due to all the atrocities he was committing. Hence the stage was set, as I prepared to go to war.

 222 Because the vision of the steelhead trout seemed so significant, I suspected it was my cue, and the door to the spiritual world was about to be opened. So it was about this time that I began to focus on the clouds in my mind (similar to what I explain about the front cover) for I had equated them with the spirit. But rather than watch them proceed, I tried superimposing a face over them (or something), and shortly thereafter my whole mind was lit up, in full color. This was my introduction, and I was soon staging and illustrating things in my mind—which, was to become a full length motion picture, with me at center stage.

  ... Emanuel Swedenborg

 223 I should also bring up Emanuel Swedenborg, for some of his material was available through the Foundation of Human Understanding, specifically the booklet, The Presence of Spirits In Madness. Written by Wilson Van Dusen, a clinical psychologist who worked with the mentally ill, it compares some of his findings with mental patients, specifically their hallucinations, with Swedenborg's findings, and speaks of a remarkable similarity. While he concurs with one of Swedenborg's main doctrines: that man is governed by a hierarchy of spirits, that dwell within his interior "thoughts and feelings." Much of which corroborates what Roy Masters says, specifically the part about the spirits of the "lower order" (i.e., demons), and it was something I was familiar with. And, while it was the only literature I had from the Swedenborg Foundation, it was one of the main things that spurred me on.

 224 The booklet was also brief, and helped further my ignorance on one thing, that these spirits were intermediaries between man and God but, were not man himself. I understood there were "angels and devils," and that heaven and hell existed, but not that the resurrection had already occurred (that there was an afterlife), a heresy promoted by much of Christendom. Yet this is precisely what we become when we die, angels and devils. (I speak of this further in chapter 13.) And it's an important distinction to make, for it implies privacy and, by having little comprehension of what's entailed, we can only interfere with their world, and very likely screw up ours. Of course I was already in the process of screwing my own life up, but I know I created quite a stir when I opened this door.

 225 And while the book did mention this relationship, it gave only scant detail—which I scoffed at—and, it was at variance with Roy Masters. Or I'm assuming he didn't believe in this, for I never once heard him mention it over the radio (while he said things to the contrary). As his primary focus was on the "here and now" (itself sound doctrine), it seemed inconsequential to him, and he shouldn't necessarily be faulted for it. Yet it was a major contributor to my dilemma.

 226 I also believe most of this was necessary, otherwise we wouldn't be viewing the contents of this book. But before you go out and do something like this yourself, I ask you to give it some careful consideration, for it's very dangerous. Remember most of these things occurred under great duress, and I'm not recommending anybody dive into it headlong. If you're interested, there's a good book called Inner Work, which goes into this in detail and would serve as a better introduction. Written by Robert A. Johnson, the reputable author, I speak of his book, ECSTASY: Understanding The Psychology Of Joy, in chapter 14, which is written specifically about Dionysus.