| 227 | So I declared war on the husband and I began to lay siege. Early on I staged "my story" and portrayed it before all of heaven: of how my plight began with moving my mobile home, continuing with my truck parked in my neighbor's living room, which then escalated to war; an account that lasted most of the night. While at some point I seemed to get a handle on things, as I gained in "spiritual might." (I came to terms with Roy's aspect in the husband and was given power over the spirits.) It even looked like I might resolve things, without taking it further—and not get anyone else involved. This was before I spoke to the woman who managed the property, a good friend of the landlord who he had asked to do this. (She also lived Merlin.) |
| 228 | I don't recall if I was there to pay the rent (it seemed too early), but we began to talk. Thus feeling the strength of "my accomplishments," I felt compelled to tell her about my spirituality—one of the dumbest things I could have done! I didn't intend to go into detail (only convey my optimism) and the last thing I expected was her to come back at me about her spirituality. She started talking about her previous "psychic involvements," much of which has been labeled "the occult," and was on the wrong side of the fence according to Roy. Indeed she seemed very knowledgeable, while she spoke of the danger and evil involved, especially when introducing it to "the uninitiated" (and she related her own experience). Tell me about it! |
| 229 | And though she wasn't really refuting these things, she said she'd pretty much put them away and was no longer interested. While she still knew people who tried to contact her, psychically, but she had learned how to block them. She also spoke of her recent marriage with her husband, who was unaware of all of this (because she didn't want to expose him to the dangers?) She was an older woman in her late fifties? and was strong willed and overbearing, and seemed like someone you could still call a witch? Circe? (And it seems like I had some notion about her turning men into swine, just as Circe turned Odysseus' men into swine!) And though she intended no harm, she was still meddlesome. Hence the door was thrust wide open, for it was too much of a temptation. |
| 230 | Thus everything was stepped up to the next level, and included two new major players: she and her husband. And, as I kept getting a vivid picture of her husband, who I portrayed as lustful (the typical male?), for it's what kept popping up and getting in the middle of everything, the temptation was to try and not interfere and still keep him unaware, which I couldn't do. It was too much to try and juggle their circumstances, with that of my neighbors across the road. Consequently everything fell apart after this. While it was all confirmed on my next visit, when she insisted I leave her alone and threatened to get her other friends involved. I considered these the threats of a demanding woman, and asked if she wanted me to judge her. |
| 231 | I was now fighting a war on two fronts, and it wasn't long before I declared war on the whole world. For I didn't want anyone interfering with my relationship with "my wife": i.e., everything was unraveling and I was sure everyone was going to find out about it anyway (like her husband). Thus in my own mind I had become the supreme judge—or, judgment of God. And at one point I stood up and faced the ornamental shield on the wall (it was about 18 inches in diameter, made of brass and was on the wall facing my neighbors, and portrayed a harvest?) and raised my right arm and exclaimed: "I am sinned not-li-mah, and I've come to conquer the world!" (This is my name spelled backwards and means I'm not the lamb—or Jesus.) Which strikingly compares with Dionysus, for when he was finally admitted to heaven he stood at the right hand of Zeus, even as Dionysus and Jesus stood at God's right hand. |
| 232 | While it was about this time that I surmised my name was Greek in origin, and there must have been a first Dennis—"the saint"—who was given a similar purpose. Which isn't too far from the Dionysian myth. But before I go into anymore detail, I must reiterate that these events occurred under great duress, for I didn't fully comprehend what I was doing and hadn't learned how to control my fears (and it was accompanied by a lot of doubt). Which is why it kept escalating and took on such monumental proportions. Hence the stage was set for me to claim his wife. |
| 233 | Indeed I felt I had done the utmost to restore everything and put it back in its place, but "these forces," i.e., the husband, etc., kept tearing it apart. So I felt it was justified—even necessary—to claim her as restitution. As I already said, I viewed these spirits as intermediaries between God and man. Hence the spiritual world itself was similar to the workings of a telephone, and I was that close to making a connection. (The episode with the manager corroborated this.) As crazy as it was, I still felt the need to contact my neighbor and verify that she was experiencing the same thing I was. Which was my saving grace, for who can say what would have happened if I listened implicitly to "my voices." I still had hell to pay though! So I looked up the name on their mailbox and drove to the store a few miles away and gave her a call. |
| 234 | We only talked briefly as I introduced myself, and said I was a spiritual person and that I was experiencing some pretty unusual things, and asked if she was having problems with her marriage. Of course she could only deny it, and I said I was sorry for bothering her. But I wasn't satisfied with this, to say the least, and figured she just wasn't ready to talk: i.e., my problems still weren't being resolved. So I worked up the nerve to call a few days later. Essentially reiterating what I said the first time, I asked if she was sure nothing was going on. She was flustered now and handed the phone over to her husband, and I repeated myself, at which time he told me he too was "spiritual," and said I should be careful about hearing voices. Indeed he seemed calm and relaxed, and struck me as someone who was affiliated with Roy (a confirmation of this), and it caused me to wonder. But I later concluded it was only "a ploy," for he was the one who was crazy. Right? |
| 235 | At some point I approached the wife and her daughter(s), when they got back from the store and were unloading the groceries. I don't recall what I said, but it pertained to what I've said above. (It was more of an introduction.) This may have been when the husband came over to talk to me, for he spoke of what happened earlier in the day. Up to this point, as I was still trying to establish "the link," I was astounded when he referred to his wife by name—Virginia! (though it wasn't apparent to him). And, while he didn't seem like the monster I made him out to be, this one thing set precedent and completely swept me away. She was still a virgin! |
| 236 | So I redressed the issue about the wife and concluded there must have been two women, the first named Katherine, and the second her younger sister, Virginia, who was much more beautiful! And I surmised they had only been married two weeks (the children were Katherine's), since after I moved in, and that it was meant to be annulled because of the previous events. (It sounds similar to the theme of Leah and Rachel.) While I concluded it hadn't yet been consummated, for she was resisting his advances and wished only to marry me, which later fueled his rage! Thus it became more plausible, and there was less conflict, for I was only trying to claim what was duly mine, rather than claim another man's wife. |
| 237 | So with renewed strength and vigor I resumed my conquest, with the focus remaining on warding off the husband and making his wife mine through "my embrace." Which became the main theme, that was later drawn to its conclusion. I should also add that it's tied very closely with the Dionysian myth, for it expressly states that he claims the Athenian Basilinna as his wife (queen of Athens), which is consummated in her husband's house! Something only Dionysus was known to do! Whereas it expressly states she had to be a virgin before marrying her husband the Basileus! (And here I was having equated myself with Alexander, who's been equated with Dionysus.) Also, as I said in Gerarai, the names Katherine and Ariadne have virtually the same meaning—"the pure" or "most pure." While it's essentially the same as Aphrodite's title, who indeed was comparable to Ariadne, her earthly counterpart. And it was Aphrodite who could restore her virginity whenever she pleased. |
| 238 | Having said this, I'd like to speak a little further about the Four Wives of Dennis, and their respective order. For the first and second wives correspond to the daughter and mother at my seventh residence. And the logical choice for third would be the woman from Wolf Creek but, I had already had dealings with my new neighbors, and was already considering the idea. Besides I've equated her with Sibyl and Apollo, which makes it a plausible correlation to Sybil of Gerarai—the fourth. Even as I've equated the first woman with Daphne—the first. And so Virginia becomes the third, which corresponds to Artemis or Cindy, who was known for her virginity! I might add that these are the qualities of the husband—or priest—when he assumes the woman's father (as I said in Jennifer and Sybil). And indeed it reflects the nature of what transpired here. |
| 239 | Hence I should also bring up circumcision, a priestly matter, that occurs on the eighth day, for this was my eighth residence. And in the account of Justine, I refer to the great big dog on a leash, and specifically call it a wolf in chapter 13. While I say circumcision involves "lifting the veil," and corresponds to the honeymoon which, is wild and crazy. This indeed is what happened, for the veil was lifted and I was allowed to see what I otherwise couldn't see—"into the spiritual world." And it was wild and crazy, and pertained specifically to marriage! So is it any wonder that it all began with the vision of the steelhead trout—about the woman from Wolf Creek! |
| 240 | As for my visions, I discovered early on that I needed to dramatize them somehow and take an "active role." Which was usually accomplished through the extensionof my body (itself the vessel) through a correspondent action or deed. And to the degree that I was successful, the images became more vivid and the "feelings" more profound. This is why it was critical to contact my neighbor, for the intensity would diminish if it wasn't allowed it to proceed, and so transferred to something real and tangible—"in the flesh." And it epitomizes my battle, for I had built up this awesome palace, full of profound delights and representations, only to have it collapse when something unexpected came along (which was quite often) or, when I was too exhausted. I needed something more substantial to work with, their consent. |
| 241 | I also discovered that through the relationship with my neighbor I was able to heal myself, and sweep all the demons away, which was a tremendous relief, and made it all the more irresistible! And while it was typically explicit, it was profound and very beautiful. And through the many representations that followed, I concluded that this is what heaven was all about, the sharing of this love between "two consorts." Which concurs with one of Swedenborg's main findings, that conjugal love is the first and primary love that proceeds from heaven. Hence my aim was to conquer the whole world and establish "my religion," in order to maintain relations with my beautiful virgin bride. Which is namely what Dionysus, the divine androgyny—which, can only equate with conjugal love—set out to do, to conquer the world and establish his religion! |
| 242 | One thing that corroborates my experiences here is what happened the night I kept the dog in the house (the collie). I just started letting her in at night for I considered it a token of my relationship with her owner, and this was my way of staying close "spiritually." And by petting it and talking to it, I sensed a more direct means of transmission. Thus I had been working with my illustrations and representations and projecting them across the road, and built up a vivid portrayal of our marriage (a wedding?), only to get assaulted by the spirits and have it all come unraveled (when doubt crept in). Finally, the images were gone and I was left exhausted, groping in the dark. The spirit was completely drained, and it felt like I was close to death. |
| 243 | While at some point I fell asleep, only to awake with the dog standing over me and looking me in the face. And this spiritual energy or charge came pouring back in, from the tip of the dog's snout directly into my forehead—a direct transference! It was the most unusual thing, and there's no doubt it occurred, as I was completely revitalized and "my heaven" was restored to its former state. (I believe it took on this quality for it was in a constant state of flux, and I was projecting it over to my neighbors'.) And it only reaffirmed that my goal was still obtainable. So I had to keep going! |
| 244 | Perhaps this can give you some clue about the scope of what's involved here. Hence I should also mention Roy Masters. Having been my mentor for so long, it seemed only fitting that he play an integral part as well; which is how I portrayed him, and we were soon doing everything hand in hand. While at one point I raised my hands to heaven and beseeched God, and enlisted the aid of all the saints or, those who had gone to heaven for they had died as martyrs (which only applied to the saints). Because it was so far reaching, I felt it was critical to have as many alliances as I could. So it wasn't long before I turned to Dionysus and Jesus. Hence I was the one who was fighting the war, the outcome of which I portrayed as a crown of victory—an awesome crown, with the most elaborate detail—that I eventually handed over to Him. I later deduced he was only a spirit, who thought he was Jesus, for he didn't know who I was and I had to fill him in with the details. Yet I yielded all my power to him and, between him and Roy these were my main accomplices. Both later turned on me. |
| 245 | Without a doubt, the one temptation represented here is the eighth commandment, "Thou shalt not steal." Which was fully realized the night I claimed everything belonging to the husband, a long succession of things—his wife, car, family, personal effects, etc.—and drew them across the road to "my palace." (It was an ongoing process.) And I was set on getting it! Yet it would have really gotten out of hand if I didn't try and confirm it with my neighbors. Thus having acquired the idea of restitution from Roy, it's what fueled my sense of purpose, and in essence was the source of the temptation. Whether he acknowledges it or not, he's encouraging other people to steal. Also, I would have refrained from taking it further if I understood these spirits were real, and would have been less inclined to interfere with their world. |
| 246 | Throughout most of this ordeal I had been confiding with my boss, and keeping him abreast of the "extraordinary events." He seemed open to it, in the sense that he knew people who "went crazy," and still recovered. And he spoke of his brother getting strung out on drugs, much of which reflected his own past. His main concern was that I could still function and be productive, and not get over zealous with the other employees. Indeed I had gotten very enthusiastic (high), but most of it was directed towards him. And before long I was telling him about marrying my neighbor's wife, which he didn't find too amusing but, he didn't overreact. |
| 247 | All of this only went so far, and I began to think my boss—as well as the others—were not receptive enough to my ideas. Nobody wanted to partake in my enthusiasm. So after getting upset and pointing the accusing finger at my boss, I quit and walked off the job. I said he was only wasting my time, and felt what I was working on was too important to be jeopardized by such "ignorant people." But hey, now I could devote my full attention to my neighbors (the images in my mind). How sad! This all happened early in December. |
| 248 | I was soon spending all my time projecting things across the road; and in some ways I'm reminded of the prophet Ezekiel, who was commanded to lay on his side and prophesy against the house of Israel. (See chapter 9.) It was about this time that I staged an illustration, of a dragon, which I portrayed as Christ (or that aspect of danger—His Anger—which is evoked when confronting The Divine). It was an awesome sight, and I honestly believed this was it. But I didn't fully comprehend its significance and, thinking it would impart the necessary wisdom, I allowed myself to be consumed (taken inside). A delicate matter indeed, to look God in the face, with the prospect of being annihilated! |
| 249 | Once inside there were numerous people, coordinating its efforts. And within its belly was a second beast, a crocodile (which the dragon consumed), portraying a more interior aspect. Again I let myself be consumed, and inside here were people too. And within its belly was a very large rat, which I also opted to explore, but felt I was too close to being expelled (as waste) and winding up on the other side. Nor did I glean the substantial wisdom. So I opted to evolve away and explore something less intense (i.e., these images had become integrated with my psyche). The whole episode transpired over a few hours. |
| 250 | I later staged a battle where I was fighting a dragon, for it was primarily a religious struggle. So I had to fight a dragon! But I was fighting with the wrong energy—my anger—and it soon became a fixation. And though my cause seemed just, I couldn't fight brute force with brute force, and it only gave it more energy. The more I struggled the more fixated I became, and the bigger it got, with greater detail. I could even see the detail on its scales! It was terrifying! and I finally had to succumb to the futility. Its intensity epitomizes many of the experiences which followed. While I later had a vision (as I awoke from a dream) of the dragon chasing a man dressed up as a prisoner—me! |
| 251 | A veritable roller coaster ride, with all its emotional ups and downs, my account with my neighbors was drawing to a close. It was about the time that I projected a gruesome scenario, where the husband in a fit of rage, butchered the whole family, and blood was spattered everywhere. And I quickly ran over with a hammer in my hand, but there she stood in the front window, in a white dress, and she looked beautiful! (i.e., I had portrayed her as a bride dressed in white). It was a bewildering sight, and puzzling, and I quickly ran off. |
| 252 | Later that day, a policeman came to the door, and said I should leave my neighbors alone, or else suffer the indignity of being arrested. (This may have been when the husband came over to talk, that evening.) I half-heartedly agreed with him and he left. While the voices were insisting I tell him I was the Devil, which would lessen my "eternal conflict"—but by no means alleviate it—when I went to hell. The tension had already begun and the spirit who claimed to be Jesus insisted I believe this. Thus being the Devil, everything I touched was condemned, and would only add to my torture later, unless I could be forthright about my identity and encourage those around me to flee! And of course, with the disturbance I created, to them I was the Devil. |
| 253 | The spirit also spoke of other Devils throughout history, and said from time to time someone was selected to fulfill this role, for it was a critical part of his plan. And I was the biggest Devil he'd ever seen! And he spoke of Lucifer, the fallen angel, and compared him to me. He said my beauty (my idealized attitude, developed in accord with Roy and my relations with my wife) had surpassed everyone else and—due to a lack of control—was inciting everyone to do monstrous things. And he was there to prepare me to become the most despicable hideous creature imaginable. So much for disturbing God's throne! |
| 254 | Needless to say, suicide became my only option, and the spirits were relentless. Yet it went against the grain of what I believed and I was dead set against it: i.e., only martyrs went to heaven and all the rest were damned. But the spirits persisted, saying each moment I delayed compounded my suffering—exponentially—and would bring about another eternity of suffering. (Apparently there was more than one eternity.) What a fate! While they were very explicit about the details, and said if I slipped up even in the most minor detail, all was lost. (It was another means of keeping up the tension.) I finally worked up the nerve and, after pulling a (paring) knife from the kitchen, I lay back on the couch and tried slitting my throat. But the knife was dull! As much pressure as I applied, and after doing it two or three times, it didn't break the skin. (It was the sharpest knife I had.) Though it left a red mark on my neck—from ear to ear—that lasted nearly a week. Of course I was the Devil and I couldn't do anything right! |
| 255 | For the next couple of days I struggled with this, as the pressure continued to mount. At one point I lay on my foam mattress on the floor, where I had been sleeping since moving, and watched in horror as the spirits sliced me into pieces—like a watermelon! Because of the vision of the steelhead trout earlier, I had portrayed myself as a steelhead swimming up my virgin stream. Where at times I swam out to the ocean to do battle with the sharks, to protect my interests upstream. It had become a main theme. But because of my methods, i.e., violence, etc., I wasn't much better than they were, and soon became the shark—the biggest shark of all! (similar to the experience I had with the dragon). And I could actually feel the slice of the sword, with each swipe across the shark. |
| 256 | The tension was becoming unbearable and I couldn't continue to lay there and watch, and I soon got up and ran outside into the woods—barefoot! But there were several children and their parents (teachers?) walking by, which was unusual for it was a rural area and hardly anyone walked down the road (in a group). So I decided they didn't need to see me and made my way back into the house. This may have been when I heard the gunshots (what sounded like gunshots) and, thinking my neighbor had done something atrocious, I decided to call the cops. (I had also called them once before about gunshots, early on.) |
| 257 | I still didn't have my phone hooked up but knew I had to get to a phone. But I couldn't find my glasses! I frantically got in my truck and started driving, but wasn't sure where to stop; I believe I was trying to get to the store a few miles away. I finally stopped at someone's house about a half mile from the store and knocked on the door. I asked if I could make the call and they showed me in. I don't recall much, except that I was highly agitated and made the call and left. Unfortunately when I first pulled in I pulled in front of their van (it belonged to the person who was visiting) and pulled ahead. (It was a big gravel driveway and the van was parked sideways.) This was my mistake, for I was in such a hurry to get out of there that I floored it and smacked into the side of the van—leaving a huge dent! And of course I wasn't wearing my glasses! |
| 258 | They came running out and were noticeably upset, but I didn't know what to do, for I had intended to go to the FHU. And I said, "Man, I've got to go!" They were getting very verbal, and threatening, and said, "You better not leave! (I knew it was against the law to leave an accident.) But I felt it was necessary and said, "I have to! But I'll be back!" And I sped off. I continued down the highway, past the store, and got onto the freeway and continued on to Grants Pass. While I remember driving through town and looking down all the cross-streets, and not being able to make anything out very clearly. All the while I pondered the fate that lay in wait. |
| 259 | I finally reached the FHU and drove into the parking lot. I got out and headed for the main office and was approached by one of the staff members. I was still agitated and told him I heard some gunshots and thought something bad happened. He just looked at me with kind of a dumb stare. Like, "What are you doing here? This isn't our business." He was really exercising what had been so thoroughly infused through his training—"no response." (It was just a facade.) It was obvious this was going nowhere in a hurry so I left, and got back onto the freeway and headed back to Merlin. |